April 15th: Filling up the metaphorical glass

It occurred to me yesterday that life's good.

I know it's not often that I say that because I am one of those irritating people who tend to look on the negative side of life, but the thing about us glass-half-empty people is that we are surrounded by those who are the opposite; people who fill up the rest of the empty glass. And I'm lucky, because I've got so many people in my life who can do that, and it's so strange to think that without making a few stupid little decisions, I could never have met them. If my mum hadn't attended the same antenatal class as Becky's mum, we might not have met. If I hadn't gone to Langtree I'd never have met Zoe (and missed out on seven years of bus journeys! Shock horror!) or Charlotte, and if I'd chosen Abingdon college over Henley, as I was tempted to do for a while, I wouldn't know Lauren. And those are quite big decisions, but of course, without posting that comment on the What Is This Feeling instrumental on YouTube three years ago today, I'd never have met Cora - and that was a tiny decision and now look where it's led us.

I can't imagine life without any of these people, but as they all turn eighteen around me (with the exception of Charlotte, who at seventeen and three quarters (ahem, blud) is the baby of our group and Cora, who turned eighteen positively yonks ago) it really hit me that after June, I won't be seeing them every day anymore. I can't help wondering, much as I want to believe we'll stay friends, if we'll be those people who head off along their different paths with an exhilarated expression upon their faces, clutching their maps and calling, 'Don't forget to write!' - leaving the madly waving crowds behind them never to hear from them again.

It takes a lot for a friendship to be maintained over the internet, especially if you have to try. The friendship that Cora and I have is effortless, but then we've never really had any alternative. When you take a couple of friends who have built their relationship on face-to-face communication and plonk them on separate ends of the country, it's obviously going to be a lot harder to continue with the closeness of before. And I'm aware that if my friends and I grow apart, it'll partly be my fault, because I chose universities that are bloody miles away from here and I have every intention of going abroad to study for a while (so anyone who wants a free holiday better make a special effort to stay in touch).

Although I do love my friends here with all my heart, the kind of friendship I share with Cora is so much deeper and, in my opinion, harder to find, than any other relationship I have ever shared with anybody. I mean, when I met her she was just another person I met on the internet, just another person who shared a love of Wicked - but I had no idea that within a couple of months she would become the person who knows the most about me, the person to whom I tell everything, the person who can decode all the random cryptic comments I make. She's the one I want to tell when something good happens or when something bad happens, when something makes me laugh, when something makes me think... and yes, she is older than me. Yes, she lives almost a thousand miles away. Yes, I have only met her six times in person. But let me ask you this: who the fuck cares? Does that really mean 'internet friendships' can't be real?

And if you say no, they can't be - let me reintroduce my earlier point regarding 'real life' friends who have been separated. Does that mean that if you move away from someone, your relationship should be terminated, just like that? That whenever you talk to someone on the phone, you don't really know them because you can't see their face? That the friends your children make on holiday and spend all week with before going home and becoming penpals are freaks and perverts? Of course it doesn't. Cora and I prove that online friendships can be just as real as co-present friendships - more so, even. I mean, how many times have you been stabbed in the back by people you thought you could trust right here at home?

And, in this day and age, when life is becoming more and more dependent on technology, why shouldn't we utilise that to forge new relationships with other human beings? We have the whole world at our fingertips here, people. Rich pickings! To not acknowledge that would be like trying to grow your own potatoes on a highly infertile surface because you're too proud to nip to the supermarket next door. (Not to say that one shouldn't be wary of said freaks and perverts, because of course they do exist. But if you surf the internet in a state of panic, assuming everyone around you is one, consider where you are. Oh look - on the internet. Whoops.)

I'm looking at my cat sleeping on my bed right now, and she looks so peaceful, like nothing in the world really matters. I think she's got the right attitude. Nothing does really matter - if we make mistakes, we can correct them. If we go the wrong way, we can turn around. If we go wrong, we can go right again, just as long as we're surrounded by people who will let us. And who cares where they live?

Molly x