January 13th: A piece of ass

I was just skimming through my post from the other day to get to the comment left by the adorable Lauren, and it occurred to me just how many times I wrote the word "ass" or "arse". As I'm English, my brain automatically reaches for the "arse" (better than my hand reaching for one, after all), but sometimes that R is just clumsy - we, too, deserve a smooth word to colloquially describe the rear end of homosapiens like ourselves. Oh, Americanisms, how we love you. Seriously though: "arse" or even "ass" is a good word. It rolls off the tongue like marbles off a table - trundling along slightly haphazardly, savouring its last moments of captivity before it makes a break for freedom and hits the floor.

And oh yes, I am aware of how dirty this blog post could sound - but only, my friends, if your minds are that way inclined. If you choose to see in-your-end-os where there are none intended, it's your brain that needs sorting out, not mine.

So anyway, while I was musing over the pros and cons of the American and English colloquial word for bottom, the phrase "piece of ass" popped into mind. Now I happen to find this a completely brilliant phrase - there is nothing quite like it, is there? A simple yet amusing, highly descriptive and connotative way of speaking of (according to yourdictionary.com) a. a woman regarded as a sexual partner and b. an instance of sexual intercourse. And I suppose if you will consult Urban Dictionary, you will end up with definitions that go something like:

a. Any female person
b. A 'hot chick who is ready for sex'
c. To 'get some action, have, or get to have, sex with a fiiiine female'
OR, my personal favourite,
d. Something you find at a crime scene

And that is why we don't consult Urban Dictionary.

Seriously though. Great phrase - indeed, so great that I felt I had to blog about it. But then it entered my mind that I was tagged on YouTube to play the Google Tag Game a long time ago and I never did because I don't 'do' vlogs (or if I do I get accused by my friends of flirting with the webcam) and so I should do it here now, since my post is already breaking all the rules of things I probably shouldn't talk about before nine o'clock.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Google Tag Game, the rules are thus:

You have to Google your name followed by a series of verbs and see what comes up. It's pretty easy to do. Just watch and learn.

Molly needs a smack.

Molly needs a special home.

Molly looks like she has a googly eye.

Molly looks fucking scary.

Molly says she sees, reads and writes. It feels okay.

Molly says NO!

Everything Molly says is a lie.

Molly wants some doggy friends.

MOLLY WANTS TO BREAK FREE!

Molly does not approve.

Apparently, Molly does Eeyore.

Molly hates the camera but loves Justin Bieber.

Why does everyone hate Molly?!

Molly asks you. She doesn't know what she asks you, but she asks you.

Molly asks for bacon.

Molly likes to hump chickens.

Molly likes it raw.

Molly eats algae off the sand.

Molly eats food. (Really?)

Molly wears a bit thin.

Molly wears really small panties to show off her killer legs. (Uh-huh.)

Molly was a pregnant Harvey girl.

Molly was a fantastic host. (Thank you very much.)

My big Molly loves a good spa.

Molly loves to roll in the sand.

Molly loves to bark at everything.

So guys. I hope you learned a bit about... Molly. And no. It's not all true.

Only some of it. Woof woof.

Molly x