I was just looking through my ridiculously full email inbox that I never clean out and I stumbled across some emails from three years ago. Three years almost exactly, actually - October, November, December - and, as I've said many times before, everytime I find stuff from then it startles me. I was a completely different person then. I looked different, I acted differently... but up until a couple of months ago I didn't feel that different.
In October, November, December 2008 I was fifteen. I was a child. I was the age my little brother is now, and god knows he seems young to me - or perhaps I should say 'seemed', because I'm pretty sure the months since I moved out have caused us both to grow up more quickly than we ever have before in such a short space of time. Being at uni has really made me think about my life - maybe it's the whole leaving-everything-familiar-a-bloody-long-way-away-and-buggering-off-up-North thing, but it's made me remember all these random long-forgotten moments, all these elements of my childhood and my life to date.
On my train journey home I pass a power station fairly soon after leaving York, and it reminds me of all the years I spent alongside another power station - Didcot, of course, a landmark with which everybody from that area will be familiar. It was one of the first things my grandparents ever heard me say; driving that sunny road to Wallingford, sitting in the back of the car, laughing with my family, eating bits of French bread and sipping that apple juice my dad always bought from Waitrose, and Didcot power station was happily puffing away outside the window. I remember picking asparagus with Nana and Grandad that day they came to the school fete - oh, the school fete itself! I remember Becky's bright orange inflatable rucksack and all the games we used to play... I remember the very first day I met Zoe, sitting next to her on the bus on the Langtree taster day... and more recently, sitting in our various corridors eating lunch and laughing. I remember all these moments of the life I used to lead, and every time I look back, there aren't many memories which aren't bathed in sunlight. I look back on my young years and I remember them as brightly lit, happy - they are remembered in yellow, many happy hours playing in the garden, or Christmases at our house or Auntie Ruth's... families intertwined, as they should be, and how I want that lifestyle for myself!
When I look back on these old emails and I notice the date and remember what I was doing on that day this year, it always makes me think about how three years ago I had no idea what I'd be doing three years in the future, and that in turn makes me wonder what I'll be doing and where I'll be exactly three years from now. If my fifteen-year-old self had looked into the near future she would have seen herself seeing the first Twilight movie with Zoe and Christina; meeting Cora in person for the first time; leaving Langtree, going to prom, joining Henley... that girl, that version of me, had never been to Denmark, never really looked into learning the Danish language... she didn't know Lauren... she'd never even heard of linguistics. There are so many people and elements in my life now that weren't there then, and looking back now that seems very, very strange. How is it possible to become someone completely different in only three years? It's not that long, is it?
Three years ago all I knew about my eighteenth year is that I would have moved out of home. Probably to university, but that wasn't definite (to be honest that wasn't definite until August this year). I just can't help wondering where I'm going to end up, but I guess - to quote a cheesy phrase which isn't mine - it's not about the destination, it's about the journey, and that's part of the fun.
And now I have to go, because I'm off to meet Fran and Louise for lunch to celebrate the end of the first semester of uni... wonder who I'll be meeting for lunch in three years' time.
Molly x
In October, November, December 2008 I was fifteen. I was a child. I was the age my little brother is now, and god knows he seems young to me - or perhaps I should say 'seemed', because I'm pretty sure the months since I moved out have caused us both to grow up more quickly than we ever have before in such a short space of time. Being at uni has really made me think about my life - maybe it's the whole leaving-everything-familiar-a-bloody-long-way-away-and-buggering-off-up-North thing, but it's made me remember all these random long-forgotten moments, all these elements of my childhood and my life to date.
On my train journey home I pass a power station fairly soon after leaving York, and it reminds me of all the years I spent alongside another power station - Didcot, of course, a landmark with which everybody from that area will be familiar. It was one of the first things my grandparents ever heard me say; driving that sunny road to Wallingford, sitting in the back of the car, laughing with my family, eating bits of French bread and sipping that apple juice my dad always bought from Waitrose, and Didcot power station was happily puffing away outside the window. I remember picking asparagus with Nana and Grandad that day they came to the school fete - oh, the school fete itself! I remember Becky's bright orange inflatable rucksack and all the games we used to play... I remember the very first day I met Zoe, sitting next to her on the bus on the Langtree taster day... and more recently, sitting in our various corridors eating lunch and laughing. I remember all these moments of the life I used to lead, and every time I look back, there aren't many memories which aren't bathed in sunlight. I look back on my young years and I remember them as brightly lit, happy - they are remembered in yellow, many happy hours playing in the garden, or Christmases at our house or Auntie Ruth's... families intertwined, as they should be, and how I want that lifestyle for myself!
When I look back on these old emails and I notice the date and remember what I was doing on that day this year, it always makes me think about how three years ago I had no idea what I'd be doing three years in the future, and that in turn makes me wonder what I'll be doing and where I'll be exactly three years from now. If my fifteen-year-old self had looked into the near future she would have seen herself seeing the first Twilight movie with Zoe and Christina; meeting Cora in person for the first time; leaving Langtree, going to prom, joining Henley... that girl, that version of me, had never been to Denmark, never really looked into learning the Danish language... she didn't know Lauren... she'd never even heard of linguistics. There are so many people and elements in my life now that weren't there then, and looking back now that seems very, very strange. How is it possible to become someone completely different in only three years? It's not that long, is it?
Three years ago all I knew about my eighteenth year is that I would have moved out of home. Probably to university, but that wasn't definite (to be honest that wasn't definite until August this year). I just can't help wondering where I'm going to end up, but I guess - to quote a cheesy phrase which isn't mine - it's not about the destination, it's about the journey, and that's part of the fun.
And now I have to go, because I'm off to meet Fran and Louise for lunch to celebrate the end of the first semester of uni... wonder who I'll be meeting for lunch in three years' time.
Molly x
