December 5th: Three years on

On this day three years ago, I went Christmas shopping with a girl I now haven't spoken to for about two years.

I know this because I wrote about it three years ago, as one of the daily updates I did when I first started this blog - as I've been immersed in the ridiculous amount of work I'm currently expected to do, Mind's Eye Of Mine's third birthday slipped quietly by.

This blog's anniversary is on the last day of November, and I started it in my first year of college, and frankly, I am amazed that I've managed to keep it going for three whole years. The point of it was to collect all my thoughts and musings on my student years, and I'd say that so far that's been fairly successful - even though I am extraordinarily bad at posting on a regular basis.

Well... what can I say? What can I say that I haven't said a hundred times before? Yes, my life is different now than it was three years ago. Indeed, I am different to the person I was three years ago. No, I don't know where I'll be in three more years - but isn't that the point? If I could predict what's going to happen in my life, why would I need this blog to document it all?

Life is short, chicos. But it can be awesome, and I choose to share my life, both the awesome bits and the not-so-awesome bits, with a bunch of strangers from all around the world. I love you guys; thank you for stumbling across my blog in whatever way you did, and for sticking around.

Adéu for now!

Molly x

November 5th: To miss

Miss (verb)

      -  to notice the absence or loss of.

      -  to discover or regret the loss or absence of.

I was having a look through my old Tumblr posts just now (just one of the timewasting methods in my highly developed repertoire of procrastination), and I stumbled upon a few posts that I wrote around this time last year.

One of them was talking about 'home', and how much I missed it - if not the place itself, but the familiarity of it and the occasions it was once home to. I talked about missing college; about the days I spent with my friends, happily ensconced in its routine. We had so many good times during those two years. But as I read that post, I thought about college, and I realised that though I still look back on it fondly, I no longer miss it. If I was offered the chance to go back there, I wouldn't take it. So much has changed since then, and I am not the same person I was when I attended college; or rather, I am, but the new, improved version.

Now, when I read that post, I think of last year. While I was living last year, I was comparing it to everything that had gone before; now, I am living this year and comparing it to the one I 'complained' about last year. I miss York, but I am absolutely certain that I'll do the exact same thing next year, when I'm back in its cold (but beautiful) clutches, wondering if Spain was real or whether I just dreamt the whole thing up.

Human beings. We're never happy, are we? I really love it here; there is a huge part of me that would never leave if she had her way, and yet I'm still thinking - not exactly favourably, but extremely fondly - upon my first year of university. It's almost like I'm wishing I were back there again, just so that I still had all of this to come.

But now I have two homes. York and Tarragona. Both places where I've made a life for myself independently. Reading is the place where I grew up, but I don't consider it home, not like the other two. York and Tarragona are places where it makes me happy to be, places I miss when I'm away from them - and if that's not home, then what is?

Most of the time, Tarragona feels like home to me. Right now, though, I think York is winning just a little. Autumn is my favourite season in England, and lovely as it is here, Spain just doesn't do it like the Brits.

Molly x

October 20th: That feeling

You know that feeling you get when you're in a big city for the first time, and everything's new and bright and exciting? And you forget that for thousands of people that city is just a boring canvas upon which they live their daily lives, because you can see the beauty and the wonder in it, and you can't understand why anybody ever complains about living there?

And then your heart sort of expands a little bit because your ability to see the beauty and the wonder in that place allows you to suddenly see the beauty and the wonder in the whole world, and you realise just how incredible and amazing life can be?

Yeah, you know that feeling? That's me, right now.

I've been so busy with uni work over the last week that I sort of lost the ability to recognise the fact that all this is amazing. I was swamped with it all, and it meant that I had my first real 'low' since I moved here. But tonight, I'm sitting here in my room with my balcony doors open, waiting for it to be time to start getting ready to go out, and I can hear the Saturday night atmosphere building up outside, and I have that feeling in my heart.

I had it constantly when I first moved here. And God, I love it here. I love this life; the place, the people, the culture and oh my God, the languages... I think that maybe, just maybe, this is just where I'm supposed to be right now. At risk of using the cliche of all cliches, life is short, so do something crazy. Make it count. Because if a few days of feeling swamped by work or missing home is the price I have to pay for this experience, then I will take it a million times, and I will enjoy the few months that I am here to the fullest possible extent; after all, this feeling - this amazing feeling, the one that tells me I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be - I don't know when I'm going to get the chance to feel that again.

Molly x

September 8th: A week has passed

I have indeed been living in Spain for a week now and good grief, how the time has flown! I've packed so much into this week that I feel I've definitely been making the most of living here and enjoying a culture in which I feel far more at home than I ever did in England. If only I could get my Spanish and Catalan to hurry up and improve, everything would be perfect - but apart from that, everything pretty much is.

I'd just like to remind you all that updates on this blog will be few and far between - everything to do with Spain will be posted on www.fromenglandtoespana.blogspot.com (or the link Molly goes to Spain on the right hand side of the page).

Stay awesome everyone!

Molly x

August 29th: Almost there

Well, bloglings, time has once again passed, and after about two years of deliberation and planning, I find myself staring down the barrel of my new life in Spain.

It's funny how quickly it seems to have arrived; I mean, I've been planning this for a really long time, and all of a sudden I'm here and I'm not quite sure where all the time's gone. With three days to go, I'm now into the crazy last minute stages of packing and organising and saying goodbye to everyone... of course it feels like I have way too much to do in way too little time, but the time will pass nonetheless, and in three days' time I will board a plane that will take me away from England and deliver me into the experience of a lifetime.

Hopefully. I am flying Ryanair, so you never know.

I jest, I jest! But seriously, I am under no illusions that this isn't going to be difficult and scary, but I certainly won't be going through it alone. I hope that my friends and I can be each others' support when the going gets tough, and I hope we'll come out of it enriched and not wanting to go home.

I would also like to draw your attention to a new page on my blog, Molly goes to Spain, on which I will be posting most of my updates about my life throughout the next year. There's not much on it yet, but please do check back as we get past the first of September and into the upcoming academic year.

Hasta pronto, amigos!

Molly x

July 21st: Blogs, bloglings and the blogosphere

Well, bloglings, I should be hanging my head right now, too ashamed to show my face in the blogosphere... I didn't mean to be gone for almost two months, I promise! I'm just a very bad blogger (and one who has used three different forms of the word 'blog' in the last sentence. Not cool.) but I'm back now and I come bearing updates!

To be quite honest, it would be very sad if I didn't come bearing updates, as it would mean that nothing had happened during the last two months of my life. But moving on.

Firstly: I passed my exams! The actual grades don't count this year, but I passed my first year of uni with a high 2:1 without actually doing that much work... I've heard the workload increase is going to be something of a shock during my second year, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Speaking of second year, passing my exams has completed the puzzle, and I received this from my exchange university:

So that confirms it; I am definitely, officially, unconditionally moving to Spain. There are no more conditions to meet; nothing else that can get in the way (short of the Spanish economy collapsing, but I prefer not to think about that) and so in six weeks' time, I will be leaving this country and not returning for months and months and months. Well, I'll be home for Christmas, but don't burst my bubble. I was being dramatic.

I am currently not freaking out too much, but I'm fully expecting to freak out on a major scale as the move approaches. Although maybe the past year in York has made me more capable - sort of like a practice run. I'm the girl who moves five hours away from home and then decides that she wants to go further... but it's not because I don't like my home. Actually I think it's the opposite; that growing up in such a secure environment has given me the confidence to go as far as I like, knowing that I'll always have something and somewhere to return to.

Molly x

June 2nd: Worse things in life

It's funny how these days, I think of years as beginning and ending in the summer. I suppose that's what comes of three or four years of chapters ending in May and June and new ones beginning in September; exams, and with them, the end of sections of my life I had only just got used to living.

This year is no different. Right now I'm in the car on my way back down South - my room at uni is empty and my key dropped off. I don't live in York anymore, and it's hitting me surprisingly hard.

I just wrote "on my way home" and then I deleted it and put "down South" instead. Because how can I be going home? Reading may be the place I grew up in, the place I spent eighteen years living in, but how can York not be my home when it's the first place I've been independent, the first place I've lived as a whole person rather than as a part of a family? It's the first place I myself have ever chosen to live. How can York not be my home?

No, for the second year in a row, I am leaving my home. I'm going back to live with my family again. It's a bit strange how final this feels; if it's this depressing finishing one year of university, I can't imagine what it's like for the people leaving for good. But on the other hand - I've finished one year of university! I'm not a fresher anymore! I did it! That's huge and that's amazing and that means that things are getting real now. My grades actually count now. As they do every year, the stakes are getting higher. Again.

I'm a third of the way through my degree and the next two years are going to fly. Nothing ever lasts as long as it should... it feels like the minute I get used to some huge adjustment in my life and actually settle in and start enjoying myself, everything changes again. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining; living in Spain is going to be an incredible experience and it is what I chose to do. It's simply that I fell in love with York and my life there, and now it's over.

But there are worse things in life than being sad because something amazing has ended. I'd rather be sad to leave than happy to, because that means that I made the most of living in halls, and I will always remember the amazing times that I had there.

Molly x

May 29th: Relocating again

Well, once again it is entirely too late to be writing a blog post, but I can't be bothered to go to bed so I've started the mammoth task of packing up my room instead. So far I've filled up two suitcases and there's no visible difference (unless you look in the drawers and cupboards, of course), which kind of indicates a) how much of a mammoth task this is, and b) just how much crap I've accumulated since I moved here. God knows how I'm going to manage to fit everything in one suitcase when I move to Spain!

One of York's many beautiful parks

The last couple of weeks have been perfect. The weather's been gorgeous, York is as beautiful as it always is in hot weather (and indeed any other type of weather) and the time I've spent here since my exams finished has passed in a blur of days sunbathing in various parks, social gatherings and the odd trip t'pub. It's been just like being on holiday and it's been such a wonderful end to my first year of university that right now, I never want to leave.

But I am. I'm leaving on Saturday morning, which suddenly seems very soon. But I've been making the most of the last few weeks I have here; last week Zoe came up to visit me and we spent many days chilling in the sun and having picnics. Friday was our summer ball, which was amazing. Everybody had really made an effort, getting all dressed up and ready to celebrate the end of a really amazing year. It was weird to think, as I stood there at uni amongst the festivities, that this time last year I didn't know any of these people. I've only known them for eight months at the most and been friends with them for shorter - because it takes time to cultivate friendships - but it feels like a lifetime. I suppose that in a way it is a lifetime, because this is a whole new chapter of our lives; a whole new place, a whole new group of people. My life before I came to York feels like a million years ago, and yet just yesterday... it's very strange to think that wherever you go, despite how alone you may feel in the beginning, you'll eventually find a new group of people you fit in with, and they'll become the people you live your new life with. But that's also an incredibly comforting thought; leaving people behind is always scary, but maybe we should think of it more as an opportunity to meet more people; to make more friends. The world is our oyster, and the more of it we see, the more we'll find people who are just like us.

It will be very strange leaving this one behind! She 's the person I've spent the most time with here at uni and after I leave, I probably won't see her for a year and a half (she's going to study in Poland while I'm in Spain). Throughout the last eight months we've had many a deep conversation, boogie to foreign songs (before I came to uni I was worried that I wouldn't have anybody to listen to Danish music with and then I discovered a Dane (i.e. Louise) on my course and immediately thought "Going to be friends with her. She has no choice in the matter.") and a hell of a lot of red wine, which has meant that my tolerance for alcohol has risen an alarming amount since I moved here. Ah, but I have so many amazing memories of stuff I've done with Louise and I'll really miss her over the next year and a bit. Bring on third year!

Molly x

May 9th: Hope for the future

I know it's been a while since I last posted here, but alas, it's exam time once again and I must say that this year I am actually working quite hard for my exams - not that it'll make any difference; I probably still won't do brilliantly, but I blame that on having four exams in 6 days (including a weekend), plus an entire twelve weeks' worth of Spanish portfolio I've left until the last minute AND a 2,500 word essay. You'd think I'd have learnt by now, but no, I remain the Queen of procrastination (or just the Queen, according to my friends at uni. I fear their mockery of my 'posh' Southern accent will never cease).

I have my first exam tomorrow, and it's a Spanish oral exam. I'm only a beginner at Spanish, so the whole thing will be over in ten minutes, and I have to say that though I despise oral exams with every fibre of my being, I feel quite sad at the thought of my Spanish lessons coming to an end. They're not stopping permanently, of course, because I'm moving to Spain in four months and it's compulsory for us to take Spanish there (and I would do even if it wasn't, because I'd quite like to be able to converse with the people in my new home).

I seem to be taking quite a while to get into this post. At the moment I'm too busy to sleep or eat (ironic, isn't it, that just when one needs sleep and food most, time and other factors dictate otherwise?), let alone write a blog post, but here I am. I felt the urge, and as all my writer-y friends, pretentious or otherwise, know, one does not ignore the call of the urge. So I'm sitting listening to the 'Spanish' playlist on my phone and musing on the fact that a year after my life changed completely drastically, it's about to change all over again. Life is hectic and life is crazy, but I suppose the one thing my life can't be described as is boring. And that's a good thing. But it's also a completely overwhelming, amazing, terrifying thing that I have yet to get my head around even now.

There's a reason I haven't shown you guys my room here in York yet, and that was that I found it highly irresponsible to post such things on the internet, but I want to remember this. I'm happy, you see. After eight months here I have finally got my room the way I like it, and I've kind of got my life the way I like it too. I can't make up my mind whether it's a good thing, when one reaches this stage, to keep things the same until they reach a sort of stagnation, or to quit while one's ahead; to change everything up again to stop that staleness from setting in. So far I've found that if you don't shake it up every once in a while, life sort of has a habit of doing it for you (and usually just when you've got everything the way you want it) so in my opinion it's best to choose a new path to take before life deposits you on one you might not be too keen on following.

My - what I call - 'wall of awesomeness'.

Sorry about the mess - too many Spanish notes!

Some PostIts my friends left on my mirror on my birthday. I thought that was the most adorable thing ever!

Life in York is a routine now. It's become my home. I love it here and I don't want to leave, but the wonderful thing about not wanting to leave is that you know you've got something wonderful to come back to one day. And I will be back, and in the meantime there's an incredible adventure waiting for me and now I've actually seen Tarragona, it's all suddenly become a lot more real. It's no longer some far off unreachable place, it's real, and it's about to become my home and my life in just the same way that York has, and right now, I see no reason to be afraid of it. Right now, in this moment, I feel only hope for the future.

Molly x

This is where I'll be living come September. You jealous?

April 19th: And the rest

Like the title says, here's the the rest of the quiz I started last week that was too long to post all in one go.


Have you ever cried over someone?
Yes...

Do you have a grudge against anyone?
No, not right now.

Do people praise you for your looks?
Occasionally... no more than other people get complimented, I assume.

Did you fall for someone you shouldn’t?
I've never been in love, so I guess not.

Have you ever done something bad but you don’t regret?
I'm not really a bad girl. I've skipped the odd lesson or two (or three) and I tried a cigarette outside a nightclub and thought it was disgusting, but apart from that I am as boring as they come.

Do you like getting hurt?
Does anyone?

Does anyone hate you?
I hope not!

Did you slap anyone whose name starts with an “R”?
God, I can't remember all the people I've slapped! Haha no, I don't think so.

What hair color do you prefer?
On myself? I think I'll only ever be a brunette, because in addition to actually liking my hair colour, I think it would be quite difficult to dye as it's quite dark. I like ginger hair though, especially with green eyes.

If you can change anything about yourself, what is it?
Ooh, a difficult one. Hmm... I trust people very easily and that has let me down, because people let me down. I'll also be the one to change if the situation needs adapting.


Do you have issues with somebody in your school?
Nope!

Can you live without internet?
God no. Are you mad?

What’s the song that remind you of your special someone?
Come on, people, we've established that I don't have a "special someone"!

Are you good at holding back your tears?
Yes, if I have to.

Are you a crybaby?
No. I rarely cry - only occasionally at TV shows, frequently when I'm really angry (which is the most frustrating thing in the world) and almost never when I'm upset.

Have you ever experienced being hysterical?
Almost, I think.

Do you study hard?
Er, yes. Totally.

Have you ever sacrificed something important to you for someone you love?
Nothing big, I don't think.

Did you ever had a kiss under the moonlight?
Well, I've had many if you count being inside under the moonlight - oh, actually, there was one on the smoking terrace of a club, does that count?

Have you ever ridden a boat?
Many, many times!

Did you have an accident last year?
No, last year was awesome! I did my best to make it so and it was.

What kind of person are you?
I can be quite quiet, but only when I have to talk to large groups of people I don't know at once. I'm very friendly and I'm very loyal and I can also be quite loud if I'm excited/drunk/happy/with my closest friends. And especially if I'm all four.

Have you ever thought of killing someone?
No! That is a disturbing question.

Have you ever been jealous?
Yes, I can get quite jealous.

How can you prove your love to someone?
I say it a lot, but I'll also try and do things that let people know I'm thinking of them. I guess one example is that I wrote my mum a song for her birthday to let her know I wasn't leaving just because I was moving out and I think that was really the only way I could have let her know that, because my mum and I don't have the kind of relationship where we talk about things like that very often.

Who is the 6th person in your contacts?
Another person I used to go to school with called Annie.

Do you have any memories you want to erase?
I'm pretty sure everyone does.

Have you been hurt so bad that you can’t find words to explain how you feel?
I'm not the most eloquent of people when I speak, so I suppose so.

Do you have trust issues?
No, I don't think so.

Do you think all the pain is worth it?
Depends what kind of pain it is and what causes it.

Do you believe in the phrase “If it’s meant to be, it will be”?
Absolutely. I don't believe fate and destiny control your entire life, but I believe that they do control some areas of it, and that in the end we will end up where we're meant to be.

Have you ever thought “I already found my soulmate”?
I don't think soulmates have to be romantic, so yes, I know I have found my soulmate.

How do you look right now?
Pretty ridiculous, I'd imagine, since I've just got out of the bath and I'm sitting here with a towel on my head. And my body, before you start imagining things.

Do you believe that first true love never dies?
I believe that true love exists, but I don't know if I believe that it never dies. I'd like to think that everybody has a "one", but that would be a depressing thought if you somehow lost your "one", so I think you can fall in love with more than one person.

Have you found your true love?
No... but I'm sure he's out there somewhere.

What should you be doing right now?
A grammar assignment on the passive voice. Welcome to my exciting life.

Did you ever feel like you’re not good enough?
All the time when I was younger. But I've grown out of that now and now I know I only have to be good enough for myself.

Molly x

April 12th: Another quiz

Oh, bloglings, you know how I love these question things. And these are a little less factual than the last ones - though it is incredibly long, so to avoid boring you all to death I might split it up and post it in two separate halves.

Okay, here goes.

Who was the last person you texted?
That would be Charlotte, discussing a particularly amusing episode of Modern Family.

When is your birthday?
April 23rd: Shakespeare's birth and death day and St. George's day. Always have to get that in there.

Who do you want to be with right now?
Cora, but alas, she's on a date. ;)

What sports do you play?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- oh. You're serious. Awkward.

Who is the first person in your contacts?
Some random person called Alice I went to school with.

What is your favorite song as of the moment?
"Jeg I Live" by Burhan G... I realise most of you probably don't know that song, but go YouTube it. It's my play-on-repeat-while-walking-to-uni song and it makes me happy everytime I hear it.

If you were stranded on an island, who do you wish to be with?
You don't know what you're asking right now. If I were stranded on a desert island and I could be with anyone in the world... hmm, David Tennant springs to mind... but I'd probably still choose to be with my friends. How sad. ;)

What do you feel right now?
Happy. I feel happy, as I do a lot at the moment, which is rather fabulous if you ask me.

What chocolate is your favorite?
Oh, woe is me! Such choice! But I do love Lindors.

How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have?
How many boyfriends did I have when? Oh, if you're asking how many boyfriends I have had, then... I guess the answer is one. And a half. If you want to know how many real relationships I've had, the answer is more "yeah, right".

Why did you create a Tumblr account?
Yeah, this is another Tumblr quiz. I don't know; Becky and Charlotte both had it and I wanted to be able to stalk them. Sorry guys.


Where do you want to be right now?
I have too many favourite places to answer that one. I've been to too many amazing places.


When was the last time you cried? Why?
Sunday morning, because I was having a bit of a spaz about my parents and moving out and everything.

Are you happy?
Already said I was!

Who do you miss?
I miss my friends a lot now that I've moved out. And my family. And oh God, my cat!

If you were given a chance, would you like to have a different life?
...Strangely enough... no. I am actually happy with my own life.

What was the best thing you were given?
Well, you know you have a good life when you can't choose something because too many things spring to mind. My parents gave me Wicked tickets for Christmas once... that was pretty awesome. And Becky gave me The Grimmerie, which is the spellbook from Wicked (yeah, I'm a fan. Get over it). And Cora gave me a necklace with the words "mere end mit liv" engraved into it. Adorable.

Who was the last person who called you?
My parents. Almost two weeks ago. Alas, I have no friends.

What is your favorite dish?
I love me a good steak.

Who is your best friend?
Cora.

What is your biggest regret?
Umm...

Have you ever cheated on your partner?
Since that would involve me having a) a partner to cheat on and b) someone interested enough in me to offer me the opportunity to cheat, the answer to that is, predictably, no.

Though finding someone to cheat with probably wouldn't be that hard.

Who do you spend crazy moments with?
I've spent some of the craziest moments of my life with Zoe - remember those times before Octava, on the bed?

Who was the last person you hugged?
My mum.

What kind of music do you listen to?
Looooads of foreign music. But mainly pop, I guess, though I'm not really fussy.

Are you over your past?
This question sort of grates upon my inner prescriptivist, but I won't let her out now. This is no time for grammar geekiness.

I think so. It's taken long enough, but yes.

Who is the last person in your contacts?
Zoe's home number.

What kind of person do you want to date?
I'd like to date someone who could either sing and play either piano or guitar. My ideal guy is dark, kind of Spanish looking, and he should be able to take the initiative but not boss me around... but I have a feeling I'll end up with someone completely different.

Do you have troubles sleeping at night?
Sometimes. Alas.

From whom was the last text message you received?
May I just point out that I did not add the "from whom" in this question?

It was from a guy called Shane.

What do you prefer, jeans or skirt?
I am equally fond of both, but I wear jeans more simply because they're more convenient.

How’s your heart?
Health wise? Probably fine, I'd imagine, though I'd better stop eating so much chocolate if I want to keep it that way. Emotionally all's good too.

Did you ever have a girlfriend/boyfriend whose name starts with a “J”?
No, but I have kissed two people whose names start with a J. Possibly three people.

Do you like someone as of the moment?
Maybe.

What would you want to say to your latest ex-boyfriend?
"Latest" implies that I have a queue of ex-boyfriends just lining up to hear what I have to say. "Ex-boyfriend" implies that I had one in the first place.

Do you have any phobias?
Honestly read that as "do you have a penis?" then. The answer to that question is no, but I am scared of fire.

Did you try to change for a person?
Yes, but it didn't work.

What’s the nicest thing you've given to someone?
Apparently everything I've given to Cora is "the best present ever". :P

Would you go back to your previous relationship?
Again with the rubbing it in!

Name someone you can’t live without.
Cora.

Describe your dream wedding.
I haven't really given it that much thought, but it will involve an amazing wedding cake, an enormous meringue of a dress and a guy with whom I am very much in love (hopefully the feeling will be mutual). Oh, and all my best friends and family.

How many roses did you receive last Valentine’s?
Oh, loads. Piles and piles. There were so many I had to walk on them to get out of my driveway... after I'd moved the stacks of Valentine's cards stopping the door from opening.

Have you ever been kissed?
Um, yeah, pretty sure I have.

How long is your longest relationship?
About a month. Alas, it wasn't real. And the "half" relationship lasted about two months, but that wasn't really real either.

Do you regret your past?
No. Some of it wasn't particularly fun, but I don't think I'd be who I am today without it.

You'll see the rest of the questions soon enough. Have fun guys!

Molly x

April 9th: Spain, rain and a couple of Danes

Apparently it's currently 20 degrees in the place in Spain I'm moving to in September. I, meanwhile, am sitting in an extremely cold room in Devon, which is supposed to be one of the warmest places in England, with hands like icebergs, procrastinating and watching the rain pissing it down outside.

I love my life.

Seriously though. In about two and half weeks' time, I will get to see Tarragona for the first time - I'm just popping over to Spain for the weekend, as you do - and I am, quite frankly, terrified. After my dad first suggested that I go and have a look around before I move there properly, I deliberated about it for three days. But I spent the nights that accompanied those three days lying awake getting nervous about it, which proved to me that I had to do it. If I hadn't, the nerves that I'm already feeling about making this trip would still be there in September, but a thousand times more intense, and I figure that anything I can do to make that transition a little less stressful is probably worth it. I mean, what if I hate it? Unlikely, but what if I do? Or what if... I don't know, just what if? There's really nothing to be nervous about, I know, but I am anyway. Maybe that's just me. But I wouldn't have gone to uni here in England without going and looking around it first, so this is technically a completely normal step.

Ironically, both the day I found out I was going to Spain and the day I found out I could stay for a year (rather than just a semester) were after I had been out with friends the night before and stumbled home at ridiculous times in the early hours of the morning. Both times I did an extremely active happy dance - for which my sleep deprived, alcohol riddled and mysteriously bruised body despised me greatly. Maybe I should go on nights out more often... they're clearly good luck for receiving good news the day after. Shame I'm never really in the mindset to celebrate it.

In other news, my birthday is in exactly two weeks - after Lauren's, which was last week, Zoe's, which is on Saturday, and Becky's, which is on the 19th. It feels strange to think that I only have one year and two weeks left of being a teenager - but then I can't really help feeling old these days, especially when I consider that my little brother is starting college this year and will, next year, be able to start learning to drive, and my cousin, whom I swear was about nine the last time I looked, is now embarking on her GCSEs. And we're at uni! We learned to drive and moved out and went to uni. It seems that the older you get, the faster life goes, and it's unnerving.

I suppose that was one of the reasons I decided to extend my stay in Spain to a year. Judging by how fast this academic year has gone, I would only just have settled in after a semester and then I'd have had to come home again. At least this way I'll have more time to soak up the Mediterranean atmosphere - and pick up some Spanish, which is an ambition of mine.

I'm going back to York the day before my birthday, but via Manchester airport to meet both Cora, who's staying with me for the week (and coming to Spain with me, yaaaay!) and Louise, my Danish friend from uni, whose plane (from the same airport as Cora's) arrives at almost exactly the same time. It mystifies me as to why two different airlines would fly from the same place to the same place at the same time, but there you go. But it's going to be amazing!

Hmm, another boring post. I seem to have misplaced my pretentious writer... oh well, I'm sure I'll locate her again soon enough.

Molly x

March 27th: A place to keep excitement

I am coming to you today from underneath a ridiculous pile of paperwork, the weight of which is currently pushing me down into the ground. If you were to lift said paperwork off me, there I'd be, grinning up at you from a nice Molly-shaped hole in the mud - out of which I'd be unable to climb, of course, due to just how deep the paper had squished me in there.

You may have gathered from that little introduction that I am currently 'doing' some of my paperwork for studying abroad... well, actually, if you had gathered that you'd be wrong, because I'm here writing this blog post instead. And even now I keep going on Facebook and Twitter and Tumblr instead of writing; I'm procrastinating about procrastinating. I'm doomed.

Moving on.

My study abroad companions and I had a meeting last week with our Head of Programme about choosing the modules we can study in Spain... things are moving forward! Each module is worth less than they are here, which means that I have to take more subjects to make up for it and consequently next year will be a lot harder than this year, especially as next year our grades themselves will actually count (as opposed to only needing to pass a module). I'm quite annoyed that that's not the case this year because I've been getting firsts and 2:1s, but alas. At least I'm starting with a bang.

However, as this whole study abroad business becomes more and more real, questions keep arising, as one would expect. Questions like "Would choosing to study both Spanish and Catalan at the same time be a good idea, or would they be too similar?" and "Why the dicknipple does student finance have to be so ridiculously confusing?" and "Oh God what the hell am I doing?"

The last one being due to the fact that this is becoming real very, very quickly. After two years of "Yeah, I'd love to study abroad one day" and choosing York St John (along with its fabulous course, decent entry requirements and incredibly beautiful location) for its study abroad opportunities; after the "should I, shouldn't I?" debates with myself over sending the application in; after writing and sending the application, all the "I really, really, really hope I get in" and the long-awaited "Congratulations! We can offer you a place" email; after the extra-curricular Spanish lessons; after deciding and applying to extend my stay to a year instead of a semester... after all that, finally, this is happening. And it's far scarier than last year's application to university - but hey, you get out what you put in, right? I was already far too emotionally invested in the idea of going abroad not to do it - it has been something I've wanted to do for so long, and so even when I doubted it, I was never going to give up on the idea. As far as I'm concerned, this was always going to happen.

And I write this because I am under no illusions that this is going to be easy. It's going to be one of the most incredible experiences of my life, but it will be hard. I know that. I'm ready for that. But I know, because I've done it since moving here, that I will come back to this blog in the moments when it's hard and read what I wrote about how excited I was to be coming here, to be studying linguistics, to finally be standing on my own two feet - to a certain extent, at least. This is the reason I created this blog - so that I could remember how these years of my life felt and so that I could document all the experiences, expected and unexpected, that have and will come my way.

That's why I have to keep writing these boring little posts - because sometime in the future I will need them to remind me why I moved to Spain and how sure I was that it was going to be amazing. I hope I'll never need to recapture that excitement, but if I do, I need it here, so I know where to find it. This is the place I store my feelings; it is a place to keep excitement.

And to finish off, I shall leave you in the capable hands of this 'ere grammar joke:

What do you call Santa's children?

Dependent Clauses.

Such fun!

Molly x

March 15th: As time goes on

Right now, students nationwide are signing house contracts. Probably students worldwide too, but I know for a fact that pretty much every student from every university in Britain is currently looking for and signing for a house to rent with their friends for the next academic year.

Not all students, of course. Some might stay in halls of residence for another year. Some might live at home and commute to university. The reason I'm not looking for somewhere to live next year is because it would be pretty pointless renting a house here in York when I'm spending the next academic year 894 miles South of here, in Tarragona, on the North East coast of Spain.

Me moving to the North East of countries seems to be becoming something of a theme these days.

(I was amused to find, when I Googled the distance between York and Tarragona (as I always like my blog posts to be as accurate as possible), that one website actually offered me driving directions... so if anybody needs to drive to the East coast of Catalonia anytime soon, I'm your girl!)

Right now, at uni, I'm "the Southern one". "The posh one". Not that I am posh; I just have a fairly strong received pronunciation-ish accent, out of which people up here just love to take the mickey. I was never really all that bothered with my roots before I came to uni, but now I do find myself clinging onto my Southern-ness a bit more. It means more to my identity than it ever did before, and because of that I find myself wondering if, despite the fact that I have never felt English in my life, moving to Spain might change that. When I move to Spain I will be both Southern and Northern, from the South of England but the North of the world, or almost at least, and it will form new parts of my identity that don't exist yet - just as every day I live here at uni continues to shape me.

All of this - going to uni, looking for houses, moving to another freaking country - it all makes us feel so grown up. It makes us feel like we're finally standing on our own two feet, actually being independent... actually being adults. But the moments where we should feel like adults make us feel even more like kids, out of our depth, and the moments where we do feel like adults only serve to highlight how much more we have to learn. It's like that moment where you successfully balance the clutch and the accelerator for the first time without stalling the car, or cooking your first proper meal, or your first time paying your rent. We still need to learn to move the car forward, and to not poison ourselves with our cooking, and to realise that the money with which we paid said rent came from Student Finance England and actually had nothing to do with us at all. We always seem to be growing but we never seem to be grown.

Do you think it will always be like this?

I think so. We're never going to know everything. It turns out that a whole load of the experiences I thought would come as time goes on have all come at once, but I guess that's the way life is. If we could learn everything, there would be nothing new to discover. There would be no new experiences to have, no new ambitions to follow, no new dreams to dream. I have dreamed of moving abroad for so long and now it's actually going to happen... keep dreaming your dreams, because even if they don't come true, at least you cared about something enough to try and follow it. At least you tried. The worst thing you can do is give up.

Molly x

P.S. This post was inspired by a conversation I had with Becky a couple of weeks ago. Conversations with old friends have a habit of giving me ideas.

IMPORTANT!

This video and this message needs to spread... they should not be allowed to get away with this. Share this video people!


KONY 2012 from INVISIBLE CHILDREN on Vimeo.

March 6th: Questions

The lovely Charlotte reblogged this on Tumblr, and since a) I have a grand total of five followers on Tumblr and therefore nowhere near enough to play this game, b) I adore these games and c) it's been a while since I wrote a new post, I thought I'd come and share it with my beloved bloglings instead. Here goes:

How are you?
Pretty good right now; thank you kind anonymous being of the internet!

Post a picture of yourself.
I frequently post pictures of myself and my friends on here, but if you're too lazy to go and look for them then tough. If you're that curious, refer to the 'burger face' over there. ---->
It's like my version of Lady Gaga.

"Can't eat my, can't eat my burger face!"

Do you ever wish you were someone else?
Not really. I used to, but I think that's something that a lot of people go through while they're growing up and settling into their bodies and their personalities. Now I'm pretty happy with who I am and though there are always things that can be improved, I don't think would actually choose to be someone else if I had the chance (and if it were possible).

What is your entire name?
Molly Ellen Turner. Can't really get a more English name.

How old are you?
Nearly nineteen. Twenty next year! Apparently I'm not allowed to feel old though - or so say the 25-year-old and 60-year-old members of my grammar class I ate lunch with today.

Age you get mistaken for:
Hmm, a difficult one. I look younger than I am, but I sound older... I think most people put me at the age I actually am or maybe a year or so older.

Your zodiac/horoscope and if you think it fits your personality:
Taurus, and yes, I think so! My horoscopes are normally pretty accurate (don't judge me; they're my guilty pleasure!)

What did you do on your last birthday?
I had a spa day with three of my closest friends and a picnic in the sun with my family and some family friends. It was a brilliant day.

What is one thing you would like to accomplish before your next birthday?
Hmm. Umm... well, my birthday is on the first day back after the Easter holidays, so I'd like to accomplish all my Easter holiday work! (Bit of a cop-out, but shush. It's my blog. I'm allowed.)

What is your hair colour?
Darkish brown... quite a nice colour, I think, but that's just my opinion!

And yes, I added the 'u' into 'colour'. Americanisms may be closer to Old English than current British English is but... my blog, my rules.

Have you ever dyed your hair?
I have not. This is possibly because (as stated above) I'm rather fond of my hair colour. Considered dyeing it dark red once though... thank God I didn't!

What is your eye colour?
Brown, with flecks of green in the summer.

If you could change your eye colour, would you?
I loooove green eyes, so maybe, but I think I'd look pretty strange with anything but brown eyes!

Do you wear contacts/glasses?
Nope. I have - what I call - perfect eyesight.

Do you have any tattoos?
I most certainly do not! I find them highly chavvy and repulsive.

Do you have any piercings?
Yes, one in each ear.

Left or right handed?
Right handed all the way!

What’s your sexual orientation?
Straight.

Do you drink?
It is my understanding that every human being drinks, but since I'm assuming the question refers to the consumption of alcohol then yes, I do.

Do you smoke?
No.

Yuck.

Do you have any pets?
My family has two long-haired Norwegian forest cats, one of which is mine. She's called Coco, is the most adorable thing I've ever seen in my life and I miss her more than I can possibly begin to describe.

Something you are working on right now:
My study abroad exchange to Spain in September! I've been obsessively researching and planning every last detail, pretty much to the exclusion of everything else (which is really bad, considering I need to actually pass my modules to be allowed to go).

I did tell you guys I'm going for a year instead of a semester now, right?!

Do you have any “rules” about food?
Umm... it has to be cooked? Only if it's hot food, you understand.

Where are you from?
England. Down South. Though I've never felt English in my life.

What would you say is your best quality?
Um... I've sort of got a knack of making things work out the way I want them to, even when it's completely unlikely that they will. I'm not sure that's a quality though. That might relate to the star sign question actually - apparently we Tauruses (Tauri?) have 'faith that everything will work out'.

What do you think you’re really good at?
I swear this is the hardest question in the world to answer. Ummmmm... I've honestly been thinking about this for three minutes and nothing springs to mind. Well, that's a bit depressing!

What do you think you’re really bad at?
Sports. Without a doubt.

Are you a bad person?
...How can I answer this? I'm not perfect, but I'm not terrible. (And besides, I've got a theory about perfection).

Are you nice to everyone?
Oh, come on, this is just ridiculous. Who's nice to everyone? I'm not consciously rude (probably over polite actually), but there are probably some people I annoy.

Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?
Yes, and because we were in secondary school, we were immature, and we had nothing better to do. And when I say "we" I do of course mean "they".

What is your ideal bed? Why?
It has to be firm. Comfy, but firm. It needs to support me.

Did you wake up cranky?
No, I woke up thinking "bollocks!" because I fell back to sleep after my alarm went off and woke up ten minutes before I had to leave.

Do you sleep with a stuffed toy?
I never used to, but my mum has this huge polar bear called Hector whom I've brought to uni with me. He's the size of a small child and is the best thing ever to hug when you're lonely.

What do you think about the most?
Ridiculous as this sounds, I kind of see my life as having 'trending topics', like Twitter. What that says about my hours of internet consumption/mental state is better off not thinking about, but it's interesting. I suppose what's 'trending' in my life at the moment is my impending trip to Spain, my trip home this weekend, Charlotte coming up to visit next weekend, Cora coming to stay with me, uni work, summer jobs and a couple of other things.

What you want to be when you “get older”?
Ah, bloglings, surely you're bored of hearing about this by now! Linguistic-y things.

What are your career goals?
Is this not the same as that ^ question?

I'd quite like to publish a linguistic theory, but that's going to be difficult/expensive/long/take talent and determination I'm not sure I possess. It would be amazing though!

Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
If you've been following this blog, you'll know it was set up two and a half years ago and therefore you'll know that my life is completely different from how it was two years ago. I literally don't think it could be any more different!

Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
All the time. And I cringe.

Have you ever had an imaginary friend?
No, I don't think so. Nobody springs to mind (har har).

Say 10 facts about your room:
1. There's a bathroom in it. A very small, square bathroom, like a bath-cube.
2. The walls are covered in notes on the phonetic alphabet and Spanish numbers on one side, and photos of my friends, my study abroad checklist, some pink fairy lights and a very awesome Doctor Who poster on the other.
3. It's in a halls of residence, so I live in a building with a LOT of other people.
4. My bed is perfect. Seriously. I've even had friends fall asleep on it without meaning to. It's that perfect.
5. It has a red theme. I have a red kettle, red towels, red curtains (which was a coincidence) and a red throw on my bed.
6. There's a kettle in it.
7. I have a luminous green clock in the shape of a giant wrist watch.
8. It really needs hoovering.
9. It's rectangle shaped, like a really long... rectangle.
10. I'm pretty sure uni kitted out all the rooms in this halls with Ikea.

Do you have any phobias?
Fire. Hate it.

Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist?
Not exactly. Did hypnotherapy once... it has 'therapy' in the title and therefore it counts.

Are you allergic to anything? If so, what?
Not to my knowledge, and hopefully it'll stay that way.

Ever broken any bones?
No. Don't intend to either.

Ever come close to death?
No... although I'm pretty sure the car we hired on holiday last year came close enough.

Do you have a Facebook? If so, would you add the person who sent you this?
I do indeed, and since the person from whom I got this (even though she didn't send it to me) is one of my best friends, yes I would!

Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?
Yes, you stalkers.

Describe yourself in one word/sentence:
If my Northern friends had anything to do with it, it would probably be 'posh'.

A quote you try to live by:
"Everything happens for a reason."

A famous person you’ve been compared to:
Angelina Jolie once, though I've got absolutely no idea why!

Weird things you do when you’re alone:
Listen to foreign music; dance like a loony in my underwear... normally to foreign music; realise the curtains were open and the people in the flats opposite could see me dancing like a loony in my underwear.

Something you do without realising:
Learn the grammar of your first language.

But perhaps that was a bit generic for what the question intended, so... play with my hair.

Someone you’d like to be for a day and why:
A boy, so I could see how they think and how they behave and what it's like to have a body so different from my own.

How often do you listen to music?
Dude, every day!

What kind of music you like?
I like pop, but I also like musicals, a bit of rock... anything really, except heavy metal. I listen to a lot of foreign music because it helps a surprising amount when you're trying to learn a language.

Do you like to dance?
Do I like to? Yes. Would I do it in public? No.

Except zumba. Zumba's AMAZEBALLS.

Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
Ohhh yes.

Share a song that takes you to a certain memory in the past:
The song "Born to Make You Happy" by Britney Spears reminds me of my mum because she always says it reminds her of me, and it makes me think of sitting in the car with my family as we drove home from her birthday weekend last year. I'd made her a CD for her birthday and that was the first song on it.

A song that’s been stuck in your head:
En Que Estrella Estara - Nena Daconte


Put your music player on shuffle and write the first ten songs that play:
1. Ni Puedo Ni Quiero - Amaia Montero
2. The Man That Can't Be Moved - The Script
3. What You Don't Know - Monrose
4. Friday (my cover) DON'T JUDGE ME IT'S FUN TO SING IN AS NASALLY A VOICE AS POSSIBLE.
5. Donde Estas - Nena Daconte
6. Rain/Hold On - Ghost the Musical
7. Knep Smerten Væk - Thomas Holm
8. Misery - Maroon 5
9. Cuatro Segundos - Amaia Montero
10. Dybt Vand - Svenstrup & Vendelboe ft. Nadia Malm

A book you want to read/have recently read:
A Practical Introduction to Phonetics. Yes, it is just as fascinating as it sounds!

Pleasure wise, just read From Notting Hill With Love... Actually and am reading The Historian.

That particular book is also fabulous for the "in your pants" game. "The Historian... in your pants". Such fun.

Describe your dream library:
Filled with books on phonetics, psycholinguistics, Spanish, Danish, Wicked, My Sister's Keeper, a nice load of 'pink books in fluffy covers' and some nice 'deep' books too. Alternatively, just your bog standard library will do; such is the extent and depth of my adoration for books.

Last movie you watched:
Love Actually. Started watching it when I got in from a night out at four o'clock last Friday morning... got seven minutes in, fell asleep and then finished it when I woke up. Ah, how I love my life.

What type of movies do you like watching?
I love a good chick flick, it has to be said. There's a comfort in a nice predictable film where nobody gets blown up and you can revel safely in the expectation of a happy ending. I like films with a bit of substance to them as well, but I only tend to watch chick flicks here at uni because I find them comforting and relaxing.

Well, my dear bloglings, I hope you've learnt a little more about me from this very long post! I have three minutes to post this before it becomes the wrong date, so I shall leave you now and go to bed.

Molly x

February 23rd: Ageing, like a cheese

I've just been rereading some of my old blog posts, and it is the weirdest thing ever. Or rather, it's exactly what I was expecting it to be.

Confused?

This blog is like a time capsule. It's a collection of stories and feelings and thoughts from what I think will always have been some of the busiest years of my life. I sit here and I read all of these things I've written, and what I'm seeing reflected back at me is myself... but it's like I'm not quite complete yet, especially in some of the earlier posts. I write differently, I speak differently... I think differently. I've grown up - and I'm not sure when that happened.

There aren't many times in one's life when absolutely everything changes, but that's what happened to me last September. This time last year I was... probably in bed, considering that I was getting up at four the next morning to catch a plane to Denmark - but looking at the bigger picture, I was a seventeen year old student in my second year of college, just about to embark upon the final stretch of A levels. I had applied to university and received all five offers, but I hadn't chosen York. Hell, I hadn't even been to York! Now I sit here in a city I'd never been to a year ago, in a room that I pay rent for, with five more qualifications than I had this time last year. The walls surrounding me are covered with knowledge I've gained over the past six months; possessions I've only recently acquired; pictures of friends I grew up spending every day with and who are now, like I am, spending every day with other people.

Maybe when I moved to York was when I grew up. I kind of had to. But I can't help feeling it started earlier than that; a point which my blog posts prove. I only wish that I had started this blog earlier, because going back and reading through it is like watching myself grow into the person I am today, and this time next year things will have changed again. I'll be over halfway through my degree; I'll have lived in Spain for three months and been back home again for two; I'll be living somewhere different, with different people. I'll probably know different people (as well as some current people, of course). But as long as I keep writing it all down here, I'll look back at this post one day and remember what life was like back in the olden days of 2012 (either that or I'll cringe with embarrassment at what a pretentious idiot I sound).

I can feel these years I'm at university slipping through my fingers like grains of sand and I wish I could grab time and pull it back, slow it down. On the one hand I can't wait to finish my degree and start living my life, but on the other hand, when I leave uni I will truly be on my own. That'll be it. I won't be a student anymore - and the one thing I've always been throughout my life to date is a student. What will I be when I won't be a student? A linguist? A speech therapist? A teacher of English as a foreign language? Who knows? Maybe I'll get a Masters and a Ph.D and have a nice posh title. Maybe I'll become someone's wife and someone's mother. But all that won't be for quite a while. When I graduate from York St John in 2014, I will simply be a twenty-one year old woman with a linguistics degree and an eye-watering amount of debt. Big whoop.

But actually that is a big whoop. Because when I started this blog nearly two and a half years ago, I was nowhere near ready to go to university and now I'm sitting here talking about how I'm not ready to leave. Though the past seems a long time ago now, it was the present once, and I lived every single one of the days I've written about here on the blog. The future will come, as it always does, and there's nothing we can do to delay it. But isn't that sort of reassuring? The one thing you can always count on in life (besides death and taxes, or so I hear) is that time will pass. Though the phrase "nothing lasts forever" is usually used in a negative way, surely it also means that nothing bad lasts forever either?

Life happens, and all we can do is live it. Bring on the future!

Molly x

One of the new experiences I've gained since I started uni is going to nightclubs, and though I've only done it a few times, I'm astonished to find that it can actually be quite fun. Especially when you get absolutely covered in UV paint.

February 16th: Updates (brace yourselves, it's long)

Despite the fact that this has been one of the busiest weeks that I've had (socially) since I got to uni, I have somehow managed to write two new posts in two days. Wonders will never cease. I suppose, since this blog was originally supposed to be a way for me to document my life, I should expand a little on why my week has been so busy, so here goes:

On Sunday I got bored lazing around in my flat so I went out and had a mooch around town and got some shopping done (both food and clothes... oops). When I got back I helped my friend Emma move into her new room (she moved from a different halls of residence because she didn't get along with her flatmates) which just happened to be the flat that my friend Louise lives in, so that's pretty cool. Now two of the people I see the most at uni are literally two minutes away up a flight of stairs. Emma's parents thanked me for helping Emma move by inviting me out for a tapas with them, which was deeeeeelicious. And I do love a bit of Spain.

I have no lectures on Mondays, but I had to go to uni to put together a presentation. I'd missed a package from the postman in the morning though so I had to go to the post office to pick it up afterwards. I'd thought it was a textbook but turns out it was my Christmas present from my lovely college English teacher Hannah - she sent me three very pretty nail varnishes, so that's awesome! I also realised I'd left both my red heels and my black heels at home - nightmare since I was going out on Tuesday in a black dress - but I nipped into a charity shop and snapped up another pair of red shoes (gorgeous ones at that) for £2. Love charity shops.

Monday also saw me cooking meat on my own for the very first time - which doesn't sound much but is kind of an achievement for me since I used to really hate frying things, so woop for that!

Tuesday. Well. Where to start? Obviously I had to go into uni - three hour grammar and text lecture on morphology... don't get me wrong, it's very interesting, but it's three hours. Three hours. Of grammar. Exhausting. Anyway, later on Emma came down from the fourth floor and we had predrinks before going back up to her flat (for more predrinks) where I officially met all her flatmates - and lovely they were too! Strange really that I'd never met them properly before, since I've been friends with Louise since the first week of term. Still. We were going to a club called Revolutions... only my second time in a club but much more fun than last time! Before we left I went down to my flat and ended up snapping my key in half in the lock, therefore locking myself out of my room in the process and meaning that the flat door can't be opened from the outside. Not ideal at all, but they're going to fix it soon.

Revs were doing a Valentine's day event called a 'lock and key party', where the girls were given locks and the boys were given keys and you had to find your match. I discovered a couple of new drinks - no idea what they were; Emma and Louise's flatmate Ed got them for us. The boys disappeared then and we just danced for a while, and then a Spanish guy called Pepe, who apparently knew Emma, appeared and ended up dancing with me... So things continued like that for a while until Emma texted saying she'd gone home, so I left too to make sure she was okay, which she wasn't, because it turned out she had kissed Ed and was in varying degrees of guilt over her boyfriend (who hadn't even bothered to text her to say happy Valentine's day, so it was quite understandable). I ended up sleeping on her floor (because I couldn't get into my flat) and we'd just got comfortable when we decided we quite fancied a McDonald's, so at half past three in the morning we did the fifteen minute walk each way. And it was so worth it.

We woke up on Wednesday morning after about three hours' sleep; obviously I skipped my lectures (including presenting the presentation we'd written on Monday) due to the fact that I was still wearing last night's clothes because I was locked out of my flat (and my pens and notes were locked in). Around ten o'clock the postman came and dropped off my textbook and my AMAZING phonetically written t-shirt:

(For those of you who can't read phonetics, it says "If you can read this then you've spent an exceptionally long time staring at my chest". BRILLIANT.)

and I was told to come and collect my new key at twelve so that I'd be able to get into my flat. This was also the time that both Emma and I received an email from the study abroad office telling us that we'd been given offers to study abroad and that we had to come into uni to collect them... but we had to wait for my key first! After waiting what felt like years but was actually about an hour and a half, we got the key and set off to pick up our letters, which ended up looking like this:

Wow. It was a crazy morning. After that I spent most of the afternoon at Louise and Emma's flat, hanging out in the kitchen with them and Simon, and then I went to bed with an episode of Glee about nine o'clock. I'm not really cut out for the student lifestyle... too exhausting!

Today I had a phonetics lecture at nine, immediately followed by two hours of Spanish at ten, and then a phonetics seminar, during which we were studying trills (the kind of growling noise you make when you roll your 'r's and the brrr sound you make when pushing air through closed lips)... so that was fun. Tonight Emma came over again and we ate pizza and ice cream while watching Easy A and recording the vibration of our vocal folds. As you do.

Tomorrow my family is coming up for the weekend, and before that I've got to clean my entire flat and do some work, so I'd better go to bed. However, to cut a long, long, looooong story short, assuming I pass this year, I AM MOVING TO SPAIN IN SEPTEMBER. OH. MY. GOD. This is something I've wanted to do ever since I've realised it was possible, and having been attracted to Spanish culture for as long as I can remember, I can hardly believe it might actually happen. Of course it's not definite yet, but it's a hell of a lot more definite than it's ever been before and I am going to do everything in my power to make sure I go. Holy crap.

Remember that post I wrote last May about my list of things to do before you die? Living in a foreign country for a while is one of them. So is learning a language. To think that at least one of my things may actually happen so soon is beyond my capability to comprehend - such is the force of my excitement. I can't even express right now how happy I am that I got accepted... this is why we should chase our dreams, people! There's always a possibility that they just might come true.

Molly x

February 14th: A Valentine's post, sort of ish

What is the most beautiful phrase in the English language?


Would I be correct if I said the phrase "I love you" springs to mind? Most people would agree with that, I think. I. Love. You. Three small, separate words but carrying so much power and such immense meaning that it's hard to get your head around it. I mean think about it. I, an ordinary person, nobody special, feel love - and all its entailments; respect, pride, trust - for you, another individual. I feel so strongly about you that I am willing to spend my life cohabiting with you; I am willing to allow your presence in my life to change my way of living; I am willing to share life-changing decisions with you; to become less of one and more of a half; to create an emotional weakness through which anybody could hurt or enrage me by interfering with you or with our relationship; to become unable to function to my full capacity without you.


I have never been in love. Perhaps that's obvious. Despite this, to me, "I love you" is kind of amazing. I mean, put yourself now in the shoes of the person hearing this delicious phrase. Yes, "I", the person speaking, am an ordinary person, nobody special, but to you, if my love is requited, I am not. To you I am the whole world. How can one person mean so much to another person? How?


Amazing, yes. But the most beautiful? Perhaps not. If I had been in love, perhaps I would agree with all those people who would plump for "I love you"... but to me, the most beautiful phrase in the English language is "I know you". Because if somebody can show you that they know you - really know you -, that they can get right down inside the depths of your brain and know what you're thinking, how you're feeling, and what that says about how much they care about you to know how to do that; that seems pretty damn beautiful to me. To me, "I know you" entails "I love you", along with a lot of other things. Most human beings don't open up to just anyone; there has to be trust, so to truly know someone they have to trust you with everything. And of course I'm not just talking about romantic love, but all sorts - family love, friendship love... platonic love. That is something I have experienced, as have most people... a loving family or true friends or, if you're lucky, as I am, both. They say friends are the family you choose, but like finding romantic love, not everybody you meet will be right for you. Friendships, like relationships, end all the time - but I once heard a phrase saying that everybody who walks out of your life is just making room for someone better, someone who truly knows you, whatever that may entail - and loves you for it.


So to all you people who don't have a special person to celebrate this Valentine's day with, I say who cares? You may be single today, but who knows where you'll be a year from now? Don't worry about it. Love's kind of a big deal... to find someone to spend forever with means you've got forever to find them, so don't rush it. It'll happen when it's meant to, and until then, there is nothing wrong with being (as Becky once put it) single and ready to mingle!


Molly x


(P.S. Once again sorry for the gaps between the paragraphs! Believe me, they annoy me just as much as they annoy you, but I've just spent the last half an hour trying to get rid of them, to no avail. Alas!)

February 7th: A nine-year trip into my memory

I was lying in bed last night, and I was musing on places. Every memory I have happened somewhere, and when we leave those places, at least for me, it's like they freeze the way I remember them in my memory. If I search for a memory it 'plays', but it seems like most of the things I don't actively search for within my mind are still images, and that also seems to be the case with the places they occurred. I would love to look inside the human mind, see what's happening in there... not all the blood and brains, I'll leave that to the neurosurgeons; but the actual processes of memory (and speech, of course, but that's another story).

But as I was lying there last night I was thinking about how all those places are still there. Sounds obvious, I know, but... every town I've visited on a random day with my family, every foreign country I've been to, every hotel we've stayed at on long journeys or en route to university open days... I can't possibly remember every place I've ever been, but I can dredge some of them up from the depths of my mind and it feels very strange to think that right now, they're home to thousands of people, rushing around living their lives, and I may as well never have been there at all.

The strangest ones are the things I remember from long ago. When I was nine I went to Tunisia with my family  and I bought this belly dancing outfit, as all self-respecting nine-year-olds do. I remember getting back to our hotel and trying it on and dancing around our room in it, swishing around feeling like a princess. I remember buying nougat from the hotel shop; I remember riding camels (well actually they were dromedaries but close enough); I remember the dinosaur-shaped bush outside the pool that I named 'Dino' after Tunisia's currency; I remember walking around a walled city; all the wild cats wandering around; Freddie buying a dead scorpion in a box and the shopkeepers trying to persuade my parents to sell me to them for a thousand camels. I remember the massive storm that pretty much destroyed the beach (that's what you get for going to Africa in January)... all that was nine years ago and I have hardly given those particular memories a moment's thought since, but... I'm pretty sure that room is still there, maybe housing another little girl swishing around in a princessy outfit. I'm sure that beach has been destroyed by many more storms and those camels ridden by many more people, and I'm sure those shopkeepers are still trying to flatter people into buying their stock by making you think you're worth a thousand camels. That place is a three hour flight and a nine-year trip into my memory, but there are people there right now, living their lives. That hotel doesn't remember that I was ever there, and it continues without me, but I remember.

Maybe I'm failing to get my point across and you're all musing upon what a weirdo I appear to have become, but I genuinely find it strange that everywhere I've ever been is still there, carrying on exactly the same, as if I was never there. Not that I should have changed it by being there - I'm nowhere near important enough to do that - but at least when you meet a person, they register you. You are, at least for a little while, the focus of their thoughts; they register your voice, your appearance, the words you're saying, and they respond. You make an impression. They engage with you, and there is always a remote possibility that you might just change them in some way.

But places don't engage. You leave a place with memories that you may or may not remember, but they're there. Places can't do that. They can't remember you. They can change you, but you can't change them. You can visit somewhere for ten days or you can live somewhere for ten years and ultimately the place itself won't remember you when you leave. But the people will. Right now I can imagine exactly what my family is doing, at home, the house just south of Reading that I have lived in for thirteen years. That house has watched me grow since I was five; it has seen me sculpt my personality into the person I am today. But now my room lies dark and unused (except for when the cat poos on Freddie's bed and he has to sleep in mine instead) and apart from the fact that it's still mostly filled with all my crap, it makes no difference to the room whether I'm there or not. But it makes a difference to my family. My brother once told me the house seemed brighter when I'm in it... and I don't think I'm ever likely to forget a comment like that.

And this is why people are so important. I know this is kind of a theme with my blog posts, but that's only because it's such an important thing to remember. To be honest, though I've obviously made friends since I moved to York, I think it's actually the bonds with my friends from home that have been cemented... there's nothing like living a couple of hundred miles apart to test a friendship, but so far, we're doing pretty well.

I just hope that all the people in my life who are really special to me know that they're really special to me - but hoping isn't always enough. These people aren't mind readers. Tell them they're special to you. After all, what have you got to lose?

Molly x

January 19th: Moving even further forward

The process of applying to university was so intense, so busy and fraught with worry and anticipation that it felt like a journey, the end of which was arriving at university itself. It felt like uni was a way-off achievement that could only be attained by overcoming all these different obstacles... and so we overcame them. But because it was such a long process, it ended up feeling to me like uni was the end of that journey.

That's ridiculous, of course. University is not the end of a journey - it's the beginning of one. It was literally the beginning of my 'adult', independent life. But last week I sent off my application to study in Spain for three months from September and now I can only hope (very, very, very hard) that I get in. I'm so excited! It's weird though, thinking about it - after all the time that I spent considering which university I should choose here in England, after all the preparation; studying the courses, looking at the website, going to visit - it's weird that I've just looked at the seven study abroad options available to people on my course, picked the country I wanted to go to, Googled it, had a quick look at the list of modules and sent my application. And yes, okay, there was more to it than that - we had to consider accommodation (both home and abroad), and whether it would affect our student loans, and whether their modules were relevant to our courses, and we had to get approved to apply by our head of faculty, and then we had to write the application itself (which took bloody ages... why does everything need a personal statement these days?) and now I have to renew my passport and I'm taking extracurricular Spanish lessons because literally all I can say in Spanish is "I don't speak Spanish", "woman", and "you are very important to me"... which are of course the most important things one needs to know when moving abroad. Second, naturally, to "where's the pub?"... I'd better get on that.

Despite the fact that where I'm going they actually speak Catalan rather than Spanish... but uni doesn't offer a Catalan option and teaching yourself a language is haaaard. Trust me on that one.

But if you think that's a lot of preparation for something that may not even happen, it's nothing compared to the mountains of preparation and paperwork and time it took to apply to and get ready for university itself. It took me a year and a half to get everything organised for that and now here I am, thinking of shooting off abroad to somewhere I've never even been. Admittedly it's different when it's three months rather than three years, but the point still stands!

When I was choosing which unis to apply to, I made sure there was a study abroad option because it was something I just really wanted to do, so even when I started doubting that it was a good idea, I just thought, "Well, you're never going to get the chance to do this again, and you basically chose your uni because of it, so why the hell not?"

And why the hell not indeed. This may be a scary opportunity, but it is just that - an opportunity. A big one. And though I know I'll be terrified if it all actually comes off - I'll be lying there in bed the night before, just like I was on the 16th September last year, the day before I moved to York, having a massive spaz about the idea of moving abroad - I can't remember the last time I was this excited about something. And it is for that reason that I have to give this a go, even if it doesn't happen. Wish me luck!

This is the time in our lives that we can make changes like this, because "why not?" is a good enough reason right now. We've got plenty of time to be dull and boring when we grow up and life demands it of us; there's no reason to give in to it as early as this. Life isn't about boredom and suffering through something you don't find fulfilling; it's about moments like these, about having the courage to take your life into your own hands. That's why they call it "life", after all - we're supposed to feel alive! Have a dream, get excited, follow it through. How often do we actually get the opportunity to do that, and why not make the most of it while we can?

Go kick some ass!

Molly x

December 31st: The year of the eighteenth

(I know this says January 1st, but I wrote it yesterday. So there.)

(FYI: all the hyperlinks in this post link to relevant posts written throughout this year.)

Well, 2011 is almost over, and here we are about to enter the year that will mark my third anniversary here in the blogosphere.

For a lot of people I know, 2011 has been a really big year. For me, it's probably been the biggest year of my life. Around this time, people always post Facebook and Twitter updates along the lines of 'new year, new me'... but people rarely realize that the changes the new year brings are a lot more subtle - and take a lot longer to occur - than that. There are, of course, the changes you can see coming - the ones you've seen coming for months, or maybe even years. I started this year knowing it would mean me turning eighteen and moving out, but 2011 meant so much more than that, so I got curious about exactly how much happened in my life this year...

January
A less than welcome start in the form of the January exams, but I also visited Shakespeare's Globe and saw The Lion King musical, so all in all, a pretty good month!

February
I started driving lessons (on Valentine's Day), won Oxford music festival with Octava (who cares if we were the only group in the category?), went to Devon to look round Plymouth uni, hung out with Cora in Denmark for four days, met the fabulous Julie, who we know from YouTube, in person, and saw my favourite musical (for the fifth time) in a language I don't speak.

March
We got the dreaded results of the January exams... and that wasn't a great day, but you know how it is. Onwards and upwards. Octava had our last concert at Goring Unplugged; I visited Brighton, UWE and Bangor universities in the hope that I'd hate them and would be able to cross at least one uni off my list, but they were actually pretty awesome. I also drove past a pub called The Cock... nuff said.

April 
Four fifths of my friendship group turned eighteen... Lauren kicked the celebrations off with a bang with her fancy dress party, for which I was Aleksandr Orlov (the meerkat from the Compare the Market adverts) for a night. Zoe followed with her red-themed meal at Cafe Rouge, and then Becky and I brought up the rear. On the 20th I realised love at first sight was real - though with a city, not a person. This was the day I visited York for the first time and decided right then and there that it was the one. This was also the day I met Fran, who has become one of my closest friends at uni. On the 21st I went up to London with my family to see Betty Blue Eyes (very strange musical). On the 29th, everyone got a day off for the royal wedding and my road had a street party, during which my elderly neighbours took full advantage of my new found adulthood and got me drunk.

May
I accepted my offers! York officially became my number one choice. On the 5th Cora came to stay with me and I took her to college (where she made me go to all my lessons... rude), and then we went to Oxford and to the British Library and the Doctor Who Experience in London. This was also the month of a momentous day; the 27th was our last official day at Henley and the start of study leave, which spanned the crazy exam season until...

June
As of the 16th I was free of college exams... I still had my grade six singing exam to take on the 31st, which I did and passed. My friends and I also had our end of exams celebration meal at Old Orleans (oh! How I miss  it!).

July
I spent the days from the fourth to the twelfth in Denmark with Cora, hanging out on the beach and watching crappy vampire movies and doing all the other stuff you do with your best friend. I also did my very first car boot sale, went to an open-air concert, had my first proper night out, snogged a Danish guy, got bitten by said Danish guy, got home at three in the morning and woke up with ridiculous bruises on my arm. As always the time passed too quickly, and soon it was the 23rd and I was heading down to Southampton for my mum's surprise birthday weekend. I also wrote her a song about how I was leaving home in September.

August
A good start to the month - on the second I passed my theory test; first time lucky! On the fourth I saw Ghost in London with my mum; I also went to Fuerteventura for two very eventful weeks with my family, during which I got a standing ovation singing Mamma Mia on karaoke night, saw a lot of nudists, got flirted with by a lot of Spanish shopkeepers, kissed a Spanish lifeguard who spoke no English (we communicated by writing notes translated by our phones), got stranded in the middle of nowhere because of an illegal hirecar, and, because our stay happened to span the eighteenth (results day), got into York St John University. Hell yeah!

September
On September the first I popped up to Scotland to finish recording the song I started last year. Amazing! Realised I'd taken eight flights in nine months. Ridiculous! The tenth was the day my friends and I visited Old Orleans again, this time dressed as different countries from around the world. I was Spain and wore the flamenco outfit I bought in Fuerteventura. This month brought another big eighteenth; the 18th being the day I moved up to York. I met a hell of a lot of people - including the fabulous Louise, my other close friend at uni -, fell in love with phonetics and went to my very first barn dance.

October
Came back daahn Saahf to visit my family, failed my driving test, and had my very first visitor in York. Got chatted up by a scientist from CERN on a train. Freddie came up to see me. I took a phonetics exam, pulled my first all nighter doing an essay and got drunk on Halloween.

November
Got a first in the phonetics exam! Wrote god knows how many essays, drunk far too much wine, realised I'd spent nearly every Saturday since September in the library, cooked fish fingers for the first time, realised I'd actually settled into the student lifestyle, and then went home again. Saw Breaking Dawn with Becky and Zoe and had a sleepover with my friends during which we had a very deep conversation. <3

December
Went house hunting for the first time! Oh, how grown up I felt! Becky came up to visit; we went sightseeing, warmed up cider on the hob, had a fire alarm (it wasn't the cider), snooped at the fire engines outside the building opposite, heard the people upstairs having sex and got kicked out of a pub for bringing chips inside. I took a grammar exam and got another first (yay!), got drunk with Louise and snogged a random guy in Yates', went to a carol service in the Minster, came home for Christmas and passed my driving test!


Every year has its bad points, but we need the bad so we can appreciate the good. This year and last year were two of the best years of my life, so I leave you now with a quote I found on Twitter:

"May the best of your past be the worst of your future."

Happy new year!

Molly x