December 17th: Well, have I got news for you!

I've got soooo much to tell you! Where should I start?

(Probably by reading the post before this one, so I could continue some of the 'storylines' of my life, as it were. But I've already done that.)

(And I apologize incase I sound full of myself at any time in this post - I don't mean to, I just want to write it all down as it was so that I can remember it properly in the future. But those who know me well will know I'm so not the full-of-myself type.)

So. After I finished writing here yesterday, I went out of media and found it was raining - the snow was almost gone and my auntie and cousin (incidentally also called Hannah) were able to come, which was great. I was already at the rehearsal when they arrived, so I didn't see them until they actually arrived at the concert (we had to practice from 5.30 until 7.00, and the concert started at 7.30 - four hours of constant singing, including the concert itself, after having done hardly any for two and a half weeks; needless to say my voice isn't in peak condition today - is it ever? - but it's worth it.)

(I think we're going to need a key of Hannahs in this post, since I'll be mentioning three. Firstly we'll have Cousin Hannah, then we'll have Octava Hannah, and then of course there's Hannah-my-English-teacher. It's all so confusing, knowing so many Hannahs. I can think of at least six off the top of my head.)

Anyway I got to Langtree (my old school, where the concert was being held) at about 5.20, and we set up all the Christmas decorations and made the room look all amazing and Christmassy. Marion had made so many decorations, it was crazy! We put up mini Christmas trees, nativity scenes, fairy lights, tinsel, baubles-hanging-on-tinsel which we hung across the room, little flameless candles... it looked awesome. We only needed those for the second act though because that was when we were doing all the Christmas songs. We had a costume change for that, in which we wore scarves and gloves to achieve the carol singer look. I wore a Santa hat... how cool am I?

We had a very rushed rehearsal, since it does take more than an hour and a half to do all nineteen of our songs (we had twenty, but we cut Jingle Bells. I don't know why - I'd have preferred to cut Oh Happy Day to be quite honest, but oh well) but we had to stop at seven to let us have a break and pee/eat (not at the same time, obviously) and all that jazz.

Just before the concert started, Amy got us all into one of the little side rooms, and made us all hold hands, saying "Let's pray". (None of us are actually religious.)

Then we must have all had the same thought - because we all simultaneously said "Joyful joyful Lord, we adore thee. God of glory, Lord of love. Hearts unfold like flowers before thee... hail thee as the Sun above. Melt the clouds of sin, sin and sadness, drive the dark of doubt away. Drive it away! Giver of immortal gladness, fill us, fill us with the light of day."

Which, if you don't know, are the main lyrics of Joyful Joyful, which is our 'signature' song - you'll hear more about that later. Marion came in when we were just finishing it off and started laughing, which set us all off, and when we'd calmed down she stood between Octava Hannah and I, put her arms round us and said "I love you all. Be yourselves, have a good time; now let's rock!"

And we did. There weren't too many mistakes either - I messed up California Dreaming because I missed the cue but I think we recovered okay. I was mostly happy with my solos, except halfway through the second song, right before my most complicated solo, my throat somehow locked, and I couldn't go high or low. It was like having a ceiling in my throat - and if you've ever heard 'crazy verse four' in My Love is Your Love by Whitney Houston, you'll know a ceiling in your throat whilst singing it is not a good thing to have. I don't think it was too horrible sounding, but it's so frustrating when you know you can do something better than you did it.

I managed to unlock my throat somehow and survived the rest of the first act - Joyful Joyful was so much fun! It was the last song of the first act and we've sung it so many times at various places with the bigger vocal group (before we left Langtree, we were in the choir there, and it was massive. There must have been about fifty of us, of all ages and vocal ability) that it's become our sort of signature song and it's incredible fun. We actually did that again as an encore at the end of the concert.

Our first act songs were:

Lean On Me
My Love is Your Love
All That Jazz
Fallin'
California Dreaming
I'll Be There
Halo
Oh Happy Day
Bridge Over Troubled Water
Joyful Joyful

We all adore all these songs. Except Happy Day, which we all hate, because we can't do it justice on account of not having gospel-enough voices.

The second act was just as awesome. We sung all our Christmas songs:

Silent Night
In The Bleak Midwinter (it seems not many people know our version)
Winter Wonderland
Away in a Manger
O Holy Night (Marion sung a solo on this one and she was amazing)
All I Want For Christmas
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
Oh Come All Ye Faithful

The song I haven't listed was Ave Maria, which Annie sung with Marion doing a harmony, so the rest of us didn't sing that. Halfway through, though, I thought I was about to get a coughing fit and I was just praying that I wouldn't - so embarrassing, seriously. I didn't, though. Luckily. Although I did have to drink a hell of a lot of water and I kept bending down to get my bottle between songs - I must have looked a bit stupid, but oh well. It kept my voice alive enough to do the concert, so it was worth looking daft. Besides, I am a daft gherkin after all!

My mum said later that when we sang Halo it made her cry, because it was played on the radio when she was visiting my grandad in hospital before he died back in May and it made her think of him. When we were singing I knew she would be thinking that and I was just looking at her and trying to let her know that I knew what she was thinking... if that made any sense at all. Eye contact is a wonderful thing. Like when I knew how much my entire family dislike Happy Day and I raised an eyebrow at my dad whilst we were singing it and made him laugh. Which, in hindsight, probably wasn't a great idea as it almost made me laugh right along with him.

God, I've never felt so at home performing in front of people! I've done stuff like this a few times now - obviously never with Octava - but I've never felt so nerve-free and as if I belonged there. The nerves that I had yesterday all disappeared halfway through the first song and I was just remembering every piece of 'advice' my mum has ever given me - head up, keep smiling, dance from side to side a bit - which obviously we'd already planned to do - and it seemed to work. I just had the most incredible fun. I've been in such a good mood ever since and I just keep wishing I was back up there, doing it again.

My mum is one of those parents who will tell you exactly what's wrong with something and that can be very depressing sometimes, but at least I know that when she gives me a compliment (which she's been doing a surprising amount lately - I wonder if I've done something to please her) she really means it. Last night she said she was really proud of me and (shh, don't tell the others) that I was the best singer in the group... which of course every parent will be saying right now, but shh. It's still lovely to hear.

This is where I'm going to sound full of myself, so ignore me for a few minutes.

Annie, who I swear doesn't like me, came up to me at the end of the show and said "Molly, I'm in love with your voice... give it to me!"

That made me so happy. I replied "You can have it, if you give me yours"... she has a fabtabulous and high voice (I so wish I could sing high) and she replied "You don't want mine! You want to keep yours and give me yours..." and she also said "Your solo in Joyful Joyful just sends shivers down my spine."

I was like awww! But to be honest I think it's the solo itself rather than me - Genni Simpson, who is a year younger than me so still at Langtree, sang it when we were in the big choir and she was amazing. I think that if you're an alto, that line will make you sound good. Seriously.

Annie also apparently said to my mum that she didn't realize how good I was until last night - despite having heard me sing a lot (she's exaggerating, I'm not that good. I was just not giving it everything I had in the rehearsals and last night I really did my best. Dan, the sound guy, also managed to position the alto microphone right in front of me, which is a good thing because although I can sing quite loudly, other people can sing louder and it's hard to sing loudly when you're singing low.

Marion's husband Massimo apparently said to my dad that I was one of the good ones and 'a performer'. I have never thought of myself as a performer in my entire life. I just didn't think I had it in me, but I'm beginning to think I've been bitten by the bug of performing... and I'm loving it!

Then, when I sang my solo in Joyful Joyful, the second time, Becky whispered "Lovely" to me when I stepped back. I think I just managed to avoid pulling a face at her, but only because people were watching. Marion also told me later that she saw Becky give me a "Holy crap, you're amazing" look when I sang it as well. What is wrong with these people's hearing? Honestly! I'm really not amazing at all.

But that reminds me: in the interval I was telling my mum and my auntie how amazing Marion is (because she really, really is) and I told Marion what I was telling them and she was like "No, you're amazing! You've got a lovely voice and you've got so much more confident lately! You're amazing!" and I denied it and said she was and we ended up having a "You're-amazing-no-you're-amazing" fight. It was quite amusing, especially when we had another one later on. ;)

Then of course there were all the comments to everyone about "It was fantastic, excellent, brilliant" etc. That's always nice to hear. And then at the end Marion gave us all cards (which she had made herself - it said Marion Nicolosi cards on the back. Very exciting) which had a lollipop in them. Love it. She'd written something in everyone's card and for everyone I looked at she'd written something along the lines of "It's great having you in the group, your energy and positive outlook makes it really nice to work with you" or something, but in mine she wrote "It's been great to see your confidence grow and then see your true ability starting to shine through. Well done!"

She's so sweet. I gave her a Christmas card too and Becky, Zoe and I gave her some chocolates (though they haven't given me their share of the money for them yet so technically it was only me who gave them) which a label which said "Thanks for being so amazing" in it. We do love Marion. I actually sent her a very cheesy email earlier which thanked her for all the work she did for the concert and said how great it was and how amazing she is and all that jazz. I kept telling her how amazing she is last night but she didn't believe me and she sent a mass text to Becky, Zoe and I to say thanks for the chocolates, in which she wrote "Molly: sorry if I seemed weird, I was just embarrassed" so I had to tell her I didn't mean to embarrass her.

Actually, going back to what I said earlier about wanting to sing high: my dad was saying in the car on the way home that it was nice to have a lower voice, that one expects girls to sing high and not husky, and that it's rarer and therefore 'more special'. (I don't believe that for a second. I'd still love to be able to reach high notes and sing all those beautiful high songs like Pie Jesu). On the other hand, though, I actually agree with him to a degree; I know that being an alto is rarer than being a mezzo and I do like being different (and it gives me a real sense of satisfaction to know that even though I'm not so great at the high notes, I can go pretty low. Therefore it is very depressing to know that Cora, who claims to be a mezzo, can go far higher than and just as low as me - being friends with that girl is extremely depressing sometimes, especially if your self confidence isn't the highest it could be. She's just too good at everything. But she has this effect on people where you just can't help loving her anyway. Don't you hate it when perfect people are too nice to hate?)

Moving on to stuff a little less me-related: since the beginning of term, my tutor group has been looking for a name for ourselves and ages ago, since Hannah's last name is Edwards, I suggested 'Team Edwards'. Yes, I know very well it's from Twilight; that's why I said it. Now, this was a couple of months ago, and I thought Hannah had forgotten - until she said in tutor yesterday "By unspoken consensus, we are now called Team Edwards."

It actually made me ridiculously happy that she chose my suggestion, but then the alternative was Bionic Bunnies, which, as Hannah pointed out, sounds like some kind of sex toy.

I talked to her again today after the lesson (which I'll write about in just a sec) and said "I find it so funny that you actually called our tutor group Team Edwards. I didn't make it as a serious suggestion."

I can't remember exactly what she replied, but I know it was positive. Which is always nice to hear.

Ooh! Remember that mock exam? I didn't fail the second one either. In fact I got a B again, and I beat the boy who used to be Langtree's biggest nerd. (Okay, I am boasting here, but I love doing well in English. It's just so much my thing!) Like last time, I wrote "That was bad" on the back of the paper and this time Hannah replied "No it's not! Quite the opposite!"

I am so determined to get an A in English.

Today, since it was the last English lesson before the Christmas holidays, we did a Christmas quiz, and one of the questions was "In Doctor Who, what planet is the Doctor from?"

Hannah was like "I don't think any of you will know this. If you do, you're freaks."

Needless to say, being the Whovian I am, I knew it, and so did Steve (who is actually called Jess, but there's already a Jess in our class and Hannah wants to distinguish between them. She's perfectly happy to have three Hannahs in our class though, including herself. I wonder if it's because she likes the name...). When we did the answers and it came to light that Steve and I knew the answers, Hannah pointed at us one by one and said, very slowly, "You're a nerd."

I am. But she loves it. And at least I'm a nerd at her subject. :)

There was also a question in the quiz: "What song is the line "You're gonna be the one that saves me" from?"

I only knew this because of a grammar group on Facebook which I joined, in which someone pointed out the incorrect use of 'that' in the line above. I said to my group "The grammar in that song is crap" (which it is. Just look at it!) and I looked up to see Hannah giving me a raised eyebrow look. Honestly, I can't help it if I'm a grammar freak.

We ended up drawing with another group to win the quiz. We both got thirty-five out of fifty, but my group lost on the tie-breaker question. However, I can't say I was that disappointed; the prize was to leave ten minutes early from the next English lesson and since I love English way too much, I dislike missing even a bit of it. Besides, our lessons finish ten minutes earlier after Christmas anyway.

So I was talking to Hannah after the lesson and she was showing me pictures of a very snowy Welsh beach, which is where she comes from (not the beach, obviously, she has a house) and she was all excited because she's going back home to see her family tomorrow. Ages ago, I bought Becky a Gavin and Stacey book for Christmas, but she already has it and yesterday Hannah mentioned in tutor that she liked Gavin and Stacey, so I was like "I am so giving it to her." So I told her how I came to be stuck with it and asked her if she'd like it, and she was like "Are you sure? This is fantastic! Where did you get it?"

"The pound shop. But don't tell anyone."

For some reason Hannah found that incredibly funny. Then she said that she was taking it back to Wales with her and that I am now her favourite student: "You just rocketed to the top of my list. If you keep this up you're going to get an A whether you deserve it or not!"

Then she said "If it wasn't illegal, I would give you a great big hug. So consider yourself verbally hugged. Have a great big verbal Christmas hug."

Later on, I was talking to Becky and her friend and telling Becky about the fact that Hannah now has the Gavin and Stacey book that was intended for her, and Becky saw Hannah walking past and goes "It's the best book ever!"

And Hannah reiterated the fact that I was to consider myself verbally hugged, and then somehow a conversation ensued about the fact that The Lion King is based on Hamlet because Hannah's Literature class are watching it tomorrow - "but if anyone refuses to sing Hakuna Matata they will be forced to leave the class" - and when Hannah went into her classroom Becky turned to me and said "Your English teacher is the best!"

I was like "I know."

This is why I can not leave her class next year. She has to teach me, or I may be forced to eat somebody. (Yes, it could be you. Fear for your liiiiife.)

On the bus, on the way home, Zoe said to me "You really like talking to your English teachers, don't you?"

(This is because last year, because my English teacher was half Danish/half Scottish and I adore Danish things, I would talk to her about it. Actually I do believe it is a year today since I missed the bus because I was talking to her and ended up getting home when my mum was out and had to wait in the freezing cold and dark until she got home at six, and then go babysitting. Not a great evening, that. But it was worth it to talk to her; I enjoyed it. In the end, when I told her I was going to Denmark to see Cora in the summer, she gave me her little Danish/English dictionary for my birthday, which I thought was very sweet of her. It's very helpful too, even if I didn't actually use it when I was there because it was easier just to ask my 'live translator' (whom I really miss! I hope I see you soon, Cora, or I'll die!))

But yes, I do like talking to my English teachers. For some reason I always get given very interesting people to teach me English, with whom I get along very well, which has got to be a good thing.

I'm something of a 'Golden Dorothy' at the moment because I'm wearing VERY sparkly gold shoes. I wanted something Christmassy to wear, even if these are slightly too small. I haven't worn them for years but they're gorgeous and I couldn't resist. You've got to have a bit of sparkle at Christmas!

Oh and Hollie got me an amazing hot water bottle for Christmas! I'm so going to use that like all the time; it's bloody freezing here. It's been snowing quite a bit lately and apparently we're expecting a lot more snow before Christmas (i.e. tonight). I hope it doesn't ruin our plans for tomorrow though; since college finishes at twelve, Charlotte, Becky and I are going into Reading to see Nativity. Nice Christmassy movie to get us into the spirit of the holidays.

I think that's it for now - I've probably forgotten something but I have to go now so I'll stick it in tomorrow's post if I have. (Blog post, that is, not letter post.) Sorry for my terrible writing today but when I have a lot to say, I sort of forget about making it interesting to read and instead I just bung it down on the page and hope it makes sense.

It never usually does.

Molly x

I even bought an adult ticket for the train on the way home yesterday, and no evil ticket collector even came round to check. How rude. So I bought a child one on the bus, just to spite him.