November 19th: Everybody wants to be a...

Cat. Go on, admit it, you were thinking it. But being a cat, undoubtedly nice as it would be, is not actually what I'm here to talk about today.

(Just a quick note before we start: God, wouldn't it be fricking amazing to be a cat? All they do is eat, sleep and get cuddled... a perfect lifestyle by anyone's standards. And they look cuter the fatter they get. Cats: 4. Humans: 0.)

Everybody wants to be... famous or recognized. All these reality TV shows prove that. On the X Factor, when asked why they're on the show, a person might respond "I want to be famous". Whatever happened to "I want to sing"? Everybody wants to be rich. Everybody wants shallow things. Not that I'm saying being rich wouldn't be nice, because I can think of a lot of things I could do if I were... most of my money would probably go to certain airlines offering flights between England and Denmark. But people rarely stop to consider the problems that go with being rich; people sucking up, pretending they're your friend, just to get at your money. Not that I would know anything about being rich, because I'm not. I don't know a lot about anything really. But I can guess. I can empathise.

Go ask a little girl what she wants to be and she'll tell you. A pop star? A ballerina? Ask a boy. A footballer? A rally driver? Okay, so ask a teenage girl. A writer, she'll tell you. A singer. A singer-songwriter, even better! I can sing, she'll say, I can write, I can play the guitar. So what? So can half the population of the world. And for the record, no you can't. You suck. Your lyrics are a pile of crap and your singing voice makes me want to hide under the bed. And so does mine. I never wanted to be famous but I wanted to sing, and I definitely wanted to write. I still do. Singing is a hobby of mine but writing is my true love... but I'm not that good. I know I'm good at English. I know I'm good at language analysis and comparison and spelling and grammar. I know I spend hours thinking about language-y things that never even cross other people's minds. But writing? I'm not that good and I've accepted that. Linguistics will be my life and I will make something out of it, because that's my calling. Cheesy and cliched, yes, very, but it is. Language and linguistics excite me, they inspire me, and I feel at home in their wordy clutches, and I hope my love of it will always remain this strong. I want to be the person who writes the next "Eats Shoots and Leaves".

As I once said to a very close friend of mine when I was in a pretentious-writer mood, "language is my law and I am its keeper... we protect each other". She told me to get a life.

Bear in mind, it was about midnight. I come out with stupid things when it's late.

Why does everybody want fame these days? Why does everybody try and claw their way up to public acclaim on very little or no talent? Recognition is different. It's be great to be recognised and acknowledged for one's achievements, but who wants to be famous? Who wants stalkers and constant publicity? Who wants the whole world thinking they know you and judging you for something you may or may not even have said? Not me. Sure, being ignored sucks, but I don't think being famous means that people care about you. People think you belong to them - that your talent, real or otherwise, is public property. That your life is public property. They think they have the right to express their opinions on the way you choose to go about your daily business and most of the time they have no idea whether or not what they're saying is actually true. The media is everyone's enemy, supposedly. Everybody tells you not to believe everything you read; but here we are, every day, believing everything we read and judging people on it. Okay, some "celebrities" are undoubtedly talentless and fake (like many X Factor contestants, though that's not their fault - I reckon X Factor just manufactures them into what they think the audience wants to see), or perhaps they're famous for doing absolutely nothing at all (Paris Hilton much?), or perhaps they've made mistakes (Lindsay Lohan). But they don't deserve all the stick the media gives them, especially the people who are new to the "fame game", like the X Factor contestants. A lot of them are around my age or even younger and I know for a fact, having had the opportunity to audition myself earlier this year and deciding against it, that I wouldn't be able to go and sing in front of such a massive audience every week. I simply wouldn't be able to do it. No matter how good or bad these people are, they have enough courage to put themselves and their love of music out there, despite how scared they might be, and I think there's something to be said for that.

No news is good news. All publicity is good publicity. Rubbish. Publicity means people are noticing you, and sometimes, if it's not for a good reason, there's nothing you want more than to melt into the background. No news means nothing has changed. No news means the universities haven't decided yet whether to give you a place. No news means the doctors haven't been able to save your loved one yet. No news means something is still unfinished, and unfinished means incomplete, and incomplete means I'm not whole yet. And I'm not whole yet, see - I'm made up of so many different elements, so many different people - people who, upon their removal from my life, would create holes within me that would eventually cause me to crumble to the ground. I am who I am, as said by the wise words of the Orange mobile advert, because of everyone. Everyone I've ever met has changed me in some way, but it's those who don't try to change you who end up changing you the most. Mum, Dad, Freddie, Becky, Zoe, Charlotte, Lauren... and Cora, who has changed me more than anybody I've ever known and pretty much sculpted me into the person I am today. We can't exist on our own; we need our loved ones around us, because without them there's no way we can be completely happy and fulfilled. I know I've talked before about overlooking people, but it's just so easy to do when life sweeps you up and carries you along and doesn't even give you a moment to breathe, let alone tell the people you love that you appreciate them. Everyone gets swept away sometimes, but to my friends and family (and both), I hope you know I love you and I really do appreciate your presence in my life.

Molly x