Right now I'm sitting in the Student Learning Centre in college trying to waste some time - I'm here because it's my English class party today and I have some books to return anyway - and all around me is this completely weird atmosphere. It feels like a ghost town. I feel like I don't belong here anymore; funny really how little time it took for me to feel that way when I haven't really been gone all that long.
This college has been my home for the last two years, and it became the walls inside which I conducted my life; now, I'm walking through these oh-so-familiar halls and rooms that I know so well and I'm surrounded by people I don't recognize. It's almost like somebody's plucked me from my universe and plonked me into an alternate reality. I suppose the fact of the matter is this: I am surrounded by first years. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's funny when your exams are over to think that for the others, life continues as normal. They get up in the morning, they get on the bus, they attend lessons, they go home. (With a bit of variation... college is never really that simple.) The only real thought they give to us, to the year above them, is "Now they've gone, we're the second years". It's weird. I think for me it's only just hit that uni isn't next year, or months away in the future, as I've subconsciously been thinking it is. It's here, it's really happening now, and my exams are over, and there's no way I can change my results now no matter whether I passed them or not. When did this happen? When did the future descend upon me like a vulture swooping down on its prey?
I shouldn't feel like everything is creeping up on me because I've been preparing for university for over a year now. Exams, open days, exam results, personal statements, selecting my five choices, uni applications, halls applications, finance applications, receiving offers, accepting offers, trying to learn to cook and clean... it's all been in preparation for the future becoming the present, so why has it taken me by surprise to realize that these next three months of summer truly are the end of the beginning? I'm looking forward to going to uni, I really am, but it is an incredibly big step - for all my life I've been a part of my family, one of four, a quarter, if you like, and now I become one and they become thirds. This is when I become an adult. This is when I become a person.
At the risk of using a cheesy cliche (let's face it, cheesy cliches are what I do best), the first chapter of my life is closing. A new one is beginning now, and I want it to be as amazing and special as I imagine it to be. Who knows; maybe I'll even write it in green ink.
Molly x
This college has been my home for the last two years, and it became the walls inside which I conducted my life; now, I'm walking through these oh-so-familiar halls and rooms that I know so well and I'm surrounded by people I don't recognize. It's almost like somebody's plucked me from my universe and plonked me into an alternate reality. I suppose the fact of the matter is this: I am surrounded by first years. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's funny when your exams are over to think that for the others, life continues as normal. They get up in the morning, they get on the bus, they attend lessons, they go home. (With a bit of variation... college is never really that simple.) The only real thought they give to us, to the year above them, is "Now they've gone, we're the second years". It's weird. I think for me it's only just hit that uni isn't next year, or months away in the future, as I've subconsciously been thinking it is. It's here, it's really happening now, and my exams are over, and there's no way I can change my results now no matter whether I passed them or not. When did this happen? When did the future descend upon me like a vulture swooping down on its prey?
I shouldn't feel like everything is creeping up on me because I've been preparing for university for over a year now. Exams, open days, exam results, personal statements, selecting my five choices, uni applications, halls applications, finance applications, receiving offers, accepting offers, trying to learn to cook and clean... it's all been in preparation for the future becoming the present, so why has it taken me by surprise to realize that these next three months of summer truly are the end of the beginning? I'm looking forward to going to uni, I really am, but it is an incredibly big step - for all my life I've been a part of my family, one of four, a quarter, if you like, and now I become one and they become thirds. This is when I become an adult. This is when I become a person.
At the risk of using a cheesy cliche (let's face it, cheesy cliches are what I do best), the first chapter of my life is closing. A new one is beginning now, and I want it to be as amazing and special as I imagine it to be. Who knows; maybe I'll even write it in green ink.
Molly x
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